


The Path You Take and The Choice I Make

by emotionalcello



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Blood, Bold Italic Underline that, Childhood Friends, Civilian!Jason, Danger, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, JayTimBINGO2019, JayTimWeek, M/M, Mild Description of an Anxiety Attack, Mild Gore, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Soulmate Aversion, There are other tags that I don't tag cuz i'll be a spoiler but it's for plot wise and not dangerous, Tim Drake is Red Robin, Tim Drake is Robin, hand holding, i think, like all my other fic tbh wow i'm unoriginal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:02:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalcello/pseuds/emotionalcello
Summary: “When did the mark show?” Jason asked.“I got it when I was born, they must’ve been older than me.”“That must be.”“Do you want to have a soul mark too one day?”Jason doesn’t hesitate, “No.”or, Tim has a soul mark, Jason doesn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first time posting a fic for an event! Also posting it on Jason's Birthday~~ (tbh idk that until i log on to tumblr today)
> 
> Featuring Leslie Knope!
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> edit :  
btw i was writing while listening to this bitter sweet tunes, i dunno why I felt like it fits the whole mood of this Jaytim but like lol i honestly just wanna share  
[Marvelous Mint - Heartsick](https://youtu.be/x75Rd3gr2tk)

As a 12-year-old boy, Jason should’ve been in bed by now. But being a 12-year-old boy on the poor side of Gotham, rules like that don’t apply to him.

Meeting fellow kids roaming these streets doing suspicious things is common, but none of those kids actually fortunate enough to have a camera that pristine looking. That’s when Jason spots a little boy, can’t be older than 10, snooping between the alleys. Clothes too tidy and smelling too nice to be a kid from around here.

On the little boy’s sight is –holly mackerel- a batmobile!

“Hey, you’re gonna swipe that?” Jason says to the boy, who jumps a foot back right away, holding his camera protectively.

“I can’t give you this camera!” the boy stammers.

“I don’t steal from other kids, I was talking about that,” Jason nods to the fancy car’s direction.

The kid looks at the fancy car, then at Jason, then at the car again then at Jason with even a more twisted look like Jason’s crazy.

“You’re about to steal the batmobile???”

“Nah, just the tires.”

“Wha—No!”

“Well, I gotta eat, and you can’t stop me.”

“Wait! It’s armed, you could’ve gotten hurt.”

“Hm, armed huh? If it’s a vigilante’s car, then at least it got motion sensors.”

“Yo-You’re right, it’s about around two-meter radius,” he informed.

Jason looks at the little pip-squeak in a smirk, “Now you’re helping me?”

The kid is just as surprised, then he mulls over it before shrugging.

“It’s not deadly, it’ll just send a signal to Batman. Plus, I bet he must have a lot of spare tires. So, get that bread,” the kid nods, then smiling mischievously, “If you can.”

Jason scoffed, “Oh, it’s on.”

Jason grabbed his box of tools and walks in, moving his feet quickly and stops, then another feet then stops, mimicking the movement of a mouse, and Jason knows exactly how those nightmare rodents move. The sensors can’t possibly alert every movement, not in this part of the city where small creatures and rodents are an epidemic.

When he finally reaches the car, no alarm triggered and alive. He quickly works with the tires and takes it off in record time. He walks back to the little alley with the heavy and sweet tire on his shoulder. He drops it beside the kid’s face who has a hanging jaw. Jason bows and waves his hand.

“Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here next week!”

“Will you?” the kid asked excitedly.

Something about the little kid’s cute face, his face is clear and pale, making the blush on his face pops out... that it makes Jason smile.

“Of course, since it’s my turf, but first, you’re gonna tell me why a rich toddler like you doing in this part of town.”

“Toddl- wha- I’m 12! I’m no toddler!”

Jason is perplexed to hear that too, “There’s no way a small kid like you is the same age as me!”

The kid lands a punch on Jason’s arms, and it only felt like a flutter more than a punch. His cheeks puffed angrily and Jason feels like he could squee, the kid looks like a little hamster.

“I’m twelve!” the kid declared again, now in fury.

“Alright alright, you’re twelve,” Jason raise his hands in surrender, “Still, you’re not from around here, are you? I don’t think you should be here.”

Because with that cute itty bitty face, soft-looking hair and big blue eyes, predators or human traffickers or pedophiles would kidnap him in a flash.

Not that Jason never brushed against the risk, not that he feigns ignorance from the disappearing of fellow pickpockets around his age.

“Well, you can’t stop me! I’ve been going here since I was 9! And I’m fine,” the kid counters with puffed chest and confidence.

Jason doesn’t hide his mortified awe for the little kid. Nine fucking years old around these parts, alone, in the middle of the night, and still alive. That is idiotic and suicidal, but he’d be lying if he doesn’t admit that this kid is a mad lad with balls of steel.

Other privileged kids wouldn’t even walk these roads in daylight just by the sight of the hobos, prostitutes, drug dealers, drug users passed out on the streets, and the smell of something that just died.

“Stop you?” Jason chuckled, “Nah, if you been doing this since you’re 9, you earn my respect.”

He put an arm around the small frame, his fresh smell of baby powder feels comforting and a stark difference from the stench around him.

“Now, you gonna tell me what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been doing it, because I don’t believe in miracles that you survive here that long.”

++++++

The kid’s name is Tim, Tim Drake, _that_ Tim Drake as in the millionaire. A millionaire kid going to the most crime-infested part of town. If he had met someone other than Jason, man, Tim with that cute face would’ve been kidnapped as soon as a predator sets eye on him.

It’s not that Jason cared, but he told Tim that Jason should accompany him when he’s out on crime alley... To steal more tires, of course for the tires, in case Tim ever bumped into the fancy car again.

Somehow that’s not the most shocking thing about Tim.

Oh god, Tim was not the badass rebellious prince from the city of lights that Jason had originally thought. Because why else a Drake would go wandering about at night at the most dangerous place of the most dangerous city? Jason admired Tim because he was a goddamn rebel despite that cute little innocent face and his privileged background.

Turns out the kid is just a furry fanatic.

“Batman is not a furry!” Tim screamed, bet he wakes up the whole neighborhood with that shrill voice.

“He dresses up a part animal and part man, that’s anthropomorphic enough to be considered a furry!”

Jason likes to mess with Tim, likes to see him flustered like this. All pouty and blushing. When he smiles, it’s like looking at a baby giggle. Soft, round and dangerously adorable that’ll make any person melt.

Tim takes off his jacket suddenly, for whatever reason it was. Maybe the exhaust from the air conditioner’s condenser on the rooftop they’re hanging out on is too warm for him.

A strange mark on his shoulder peeking through the neckline of his shirt, and Jason feels his heart hammered against his ribs.

“You... You have a soul mark??”

“Oh, this,” Tim looks over his shoulder, “Yeah, I do, you?”

Jason shakes his head. He looks at Tim meekly, “Can I see it?”

Tim looks taken back, and it makes Jason wants to retract his request, but then Tim pulls his neckline sideways till the base of his shoulder. The mark on Tim’s shoulder is a red outline of a diamond and a bird silhouette on the inside. It’s pretty big for a soul mark, almost as wide as a clenched fist.

A soul mark means that you have someone that’s destined for you and suppose to be perfect for you. That someone has the same soul mark in the same position as yours. Not everyone has them, but sometimes you don’t have them because they’re not born yet, or they had died.

“When did the mark show?” Jason asked.

“I got it when I was born, they must’ve been older than me.”

“That must be.”

“Do you want to have a soul mark too one day?” 

Jason doesn’t hesitate, “No.”

+++++++++

Jason looks up to the sky that night, waiting for someone. The stench of oil still stuck on his body and mostly his hand even though he washes them clean. A vigilante drops to the ground in front of him. Dressed in a black and red bodysuit, and ‘R’ logo on his left chest, and a fluttering black cape. His black domino mask covered the eye area, perfectly following the silhouette of his face, it’s the new Robin.

“You’re not fooling anyone,” Jason said amusedly, and see the masked vigilante flash a cheeky smile.

“I suppose not.”

He’s still so little, but look at him go. With that smug smile, cart-wheeling like a champion gymnast, parkouring from building to building without fear and beating crimelords twice his size. Jason knew Tim was a badass the moment they met.

“You ready to go?” Tim asked.

“In your costume? Is your boss gonna like that?”

“Fuck Batman,” Tim suddenly snapped.

“Whoa, Timmy you good?”

“I’m fine!” Then two seconds passed, “I’m not,” he said softer this time.

Jason pressed his lips and frowned thoughtfully. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything, let’s just eat?”

Tim lights up right away. He knows Tim is just as happy as him to hang out again. It’s been months since they see each other. They haven’t met for a while after Tim said he needed to be Robin.

They bought sloppy joes from Jason’s favosite stand because the vendor sells it dirt cheap. Tim, with all the new strength on his lanky arms, wrap Jason’s torso and lifts both of them up with a grapple to the top of the roof. Tim smiled smugly when Jason was surprised, amazed, and incredibly in disbelieve how Tim can just lift Jason up.

Jason is a bit bigger than Tim, though undoubtedly Tim must’ve gained strenght from the intense training, Jason is still heavier.

After sharing Jason’s awe to Tim and letting Tim boast about it, they sat by the edge of the roof. It takes Jason back to sit on the roof with Tim.

“I was worried about you,” Jason stated between bites, and it makes Tim stop and darts a look at Jason, “Scared the shit out of me the entire time you’re gone after you’re off to be... that.” Jason nods Tim’s way, looking at the entire suit.

“You? Scared? I never would’ve thought, you’re a pretty ballsy kid too,” Tim bites in the sloppy joe, and the filling spilled over to the side. “You didn’t look scared when I told you back then.”

“Because I know it’s pointless to try to stop you. You’re so dead set on it. Besides, you’re free to do whatever you want. Your life, your decisions, who am I to stop you?”

Jason muses to the time when Tim told him he wanted to be Robin because Batman is not ‘stable’ after the first one become Nightwing, whatever that means. Jason doesn't know why Tim should care about stuff like that, but Tim did, and that’s basically all there is to it for Jason to know.

Ever since Tim said he needed to be Robin, Jason was worried but mostly doubtful. But Jason has seen the glint in Tim’s eyes, filled with determination and resolve. Saying anything against it would’ve hurt Tim. So, Jason pretends that he’s not bothered by it.

“That’s the first time I heard that,” Tim said.

“Heard what?”

“Someone telling me to do whatever I want.”

Jason then hit by a realization that only struck now, becoming Robin must’ve been the one thing he wanted to do. Jason knew about his parents being strict about the family business and all, and how they often not in the house. Leaving little Tim alone in that big fancy house.

Well, technically Tim is not that little Tim he met the first time anymore. They’re grown up a little.

“Batman’s gotta be more chill though, right?”

“Ugh, he has even more rules for me to follow.”

“What? The rule-breaker himself? What a joke,” Jason playfully scorned.

“He said it’s for my own safety, but I don’t know, sometimes I think he’s just doesn’t trust me, or maybe I’m not as good as the first Robin and—Eek!”

Jason quickly gets a hold of Tim’s arm before his friend can finish that sentence. He’s glaring, but not at Tim nor is he the cause of it.

“You are, the most badass little brat I had ever met, and you’re scary smart and also a fast learner. If anything, maybe he’s afraid you’ll outsmart him!” Jason doesn’t mean to compliment, love him or hate him, he’s spitting facts.

“Yeah right,” Tim dismissed it, but his sheepish smile and the pink tint on his cheeks means that Jason’s words serve its purpose.

“Just give it time, Tim. You’re one strong-ass fucker,” Tim chocked on his bread and spits out a chunk from his mouth, but Jason continued, “And I bet he’ll see that soon, and he’ll be wrong to ever handicap you.”

Tim clears his throat. Now his face is all red, almost like his suit, “Wow, I didn’t know that’s how you see me.” Tim cracked a smile and bumps his shoulders with Jason’s

“Just saying the truth.” Jason glance away, chomping down on his joes.

“I think you’re cool too, Jay.”

Jason feels his ears burn at the nickname, it’s really been too long since they have met. Jason never forgets that name, but he never knew that he missed being called that name, how familiar it sounds with Tim’s voice, like a friendly call home. Nostalgic, safe, and so dear to him.

The night feels warm.

“Oh, I’m cool huh?” Jason accepts it, he knows he’s pretty cool.

“Mhm, at first I wanted to ask _you_ to be Robin.”

“Me?” Jason says incredulously, “No way.”

“But it would’ve suit you so well! You’re strong, you’re street smart too.”

“Then why didn’t you ever ask me?”

“Because it’s not just a whim. It would’ve meant asking you to be a vigilante, risking your identity and adapting into a different life entirely. And it’s dangerous, and life-threatening, I don’t want to ask you to sacrifice yourself because of my wish, so, I did it myself.”

Tim puts it out simply, flatly, like a friggin’ walk in the park. But not to Jason, it hits him like tons of bricks from the fiftieth story that’s he should’ve seen coming. What Tim does is dangerous. Those supervillains won't see him as a kid, but an enemy. As strong and agile as Tim is, those monsters can easily snap Tim in two.

A shudder runs down his spine.

“If it’s that dangerous, then I should’ve stopped you too,” Jason beats himself over it.

“C’ mon, don’t say that now, you were so supportive a minute ago,” Tim joked.

But Jason snaps, “But you could’ve died! You could’ve gotten an injury and then...”

Stupid. Jason is so stupid sometimes. Why bother with that now? Why even say those things to Tim? Of course Tim knew the risk before taking that damned mantel.

Jason looks at Tim, his face is so young but his resolve and stubbornness of his choice makes him look way more mature than his age should’ve allowed. It’s not fair.

There’s nothing Jason could’ve done. This is the path that Tim chooses, along with many others that he will take. It’s a path different from where Jason is walking. It feels like that one day they’ll walk even further apart until they can’t see each other across the road anymore.

But what can Jason do?

“You better not die, or I will dig your grave, revive you, and then kill you myself.” Jason is joking, but mostly serious. His hands feel cold and clammy at the possibility of finding Tim’s death on TV.

Tim wraps his shoulders with a strong arm and a firm squeeze.

Tim doesn’t say anything, he’s just there. His pretty little head perched on his shoulder. His raven black hair is damp and smell of sweat, but there’s the faint smell of baby powder, and Jason feels calm because of it. They lean on each other until the night is too cold and Tim had to leave.

That itself speaks volumes.

Again, Jason couldn’t do anything to what Tim has chosen for himself, even though it will inevitability mean that they’ll be walking separate ways.

++++++++++++

“Boss, need anything else from me before I go?” Jason pulls his head from the car’s hood and closed it, seeing his boss just walked out of her office.

“No, you go ahead boy, I know it’s Friday,” she giggled knowingly.

The owner of the car repairs is a friendly old woman that looks like she would bake you cookies with milk while hearing your stories and give good advice. Mrs. Knope is not that at all.

She’s a capable mechanic with magical hands that can revive any vehicle there is. Jason learned a lot from her, also indebted to her a lot for giving him a place to stay and a place to work for the last two years and counting. She also can’t cook for shit, so Jason’s cooking might’ve earned him the job and place more than his skill.

Jason nods in gratitude her way and runs upstairs to his room to change into something cleaner.

Every Friday, he would meet with Tim, whether it’s as Red Robin or Tim Drake-Wayne, doesn’t matter to Jason, Tim is Tim no matter the alias and last name.

Tim bailed on him for a month now because of a case. Today is different though, Jason has to meet him today. It’s Tim’s birthday. Jason got a present for him that he’s been keeping for a while.

They met mostly at nights, maybe it’s a force of habits to do so.

But Jason doesn’t mind. He gets a bonus of Red Robin sometimes, and the night is quiet, fewer people would recognize the famous Drake-Wayne. They got their time for themselves.

“Hello stranger,” Tim snoops behind him when Jason is on the way to their usual diner. He’s getting good at quietly snooping around quietly.

“Hello yourself stranger.”

The diner is quiet at this hour. It opens 24 hours and it’s their favorite place to eat breakfast food at night because they serve breakfast lunch and dinner no matter when you order them.

Jason ordered a burger, Tim ordered pancakes with coffee.

Tim is usually very tired when they meet, hence the habit of always ordering coffee. But he’s been awfully gleeful since they walk in here.

“Okay, spill it out,” Jason said, rolling his eyes.

“No! You first,” Tim rejected, and his doe eyes open wide in anticipation.

What face is Jason making now that Tim said that? Well, not that he minded.

“Happy birthday, Timmy,” Jason pulls out a flat rectangle from the inside pocket of his jacket and slide it in front of Tim.

Jason thought Tim knew about his birthday, thought it was the reason why Tim is all giddy. But he froze in surprise to see the blue striped box laying on his part of the table.

He turns those clear blue eyes at Jason, who feels nervous now.

“Oh, damn, it _is_ my birthday, I forgot!” Tim cheered and tears the wrappers to pieces.

Jason’s heart thumps when Tim finally sees inside the box, bracing for any reactions at all. Any.

Tim takes it out of the box. Those powerful fists that had cracked some bones unclench and lifts what’s inside and hold it out preciously.

It’s an old comic book. An old series that’s long discontinued. Tim had all the volumes, except one.

“Volume 16 Yu Yu Hakusho...” Tim whispered under his breath, and opened it not too wide, careful not to crease the area near the binding. Tim’s face went from disbelieving to a tearful smile.

Jason doesn’t understand what’s about the manga that Tim likes so much. It’s about a middle school student who died and came back to life and became a supernatural detective. Okay, he understands why Tim likes it, but not to a point to obsess over it enough to make his eyes all glassy in tears.

“How?” Tim says in overdramatic mirth, “How did you get this? I went far and wide and auction to auction but never got it.”

“Coincidence. I moved into my boss’ place, his grandson used to come over for the summer and left a bunch of stuff. I was tidying things up when I found that thing pressed between neglected homeworks. I asked my boss about it, and I bought it from the grandson.

“Oh man,” Tim hugs the comic book to his chest, “Thank you, this is awesome.”

Tim gave him the happiest gummy smile. It’s been a while since Jason gets to see Tim that way. He’s been drinking too much coffee and getting too wrapped up in his nightlife. Jason got a little heart attack whenever there’s a villain on the loose or an alien attack and see Red Robin pops in with young justice.

It’s no easy feat being a vigilante, Jason knew, but Tim’s a perfectionist, and that’s what Jason worries the most. He keeps his grades up, and somehow, now at 17 years old, he’s working at Wayne Inc. And then have a night job protecting people of a city with one of the highest crime rates? Unbelievable.

Tim is amazing, but Jason knows Tim is spreading himself too thin.

“You know...” Tim says, finally looking away from his comic, “My birthday is tomorrow actually.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t get to meet you tomorrow.”

“Why is that though?”

Oh yeah, why is that? Huh.

“Let's meet tomorrow and hang out then! Meet when the sun is out once in a while, sounds good?”

“Just the two of us?” is the air conditioner working? It suddenly feels warmer, damn global warming.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun!”

Jason didn’t plan this, but his mind is already listing places he wants to take Tim tomorrow. He can’t help the smile creeping upon his face.

“Cool,” Jason says uncoolly.

“So, where do--” “About my--”

They said and stop simultaneously.

“Your turn, what about your news?” Jason rests his face on his hand, enjoying the blushing Tim all excited. His blue eyes twinkle like sunlight on the sea waves. Smiling carelessly with excitement showing his perfectly tidy teeth. Tim looks as happy as if he’s twelve again. Before the vigilante life, before adulthood, before his parents died. It makes Jason happy to see Tim happy.

Tim bites his lips and leans forward, putting his palm on the side of his lips like he’s about to say the biggest secret he has.

“I found my soulmate!” Tim cheered in a secretive whisper.

“Oh, dude that’s awesome! When?”

“Like a few weeks ago on this mission I just finished, it’s... but you have to keep it a secret okay?”

“I’m no tattletale, I’m bringing this to my grave, c’ mon spill so I can judge this person.”

Tim smiled offendedly at Jason’s joke, and leans forward even closer across the table and whisper to Jason’s ear.

“It’s Superboy.”

“That’s... You mean th-!”

“Sssh! Keep quiet,” Tim giggled like a lovestruck teen, wait, he is.

“How did you find out?”

“When we’re fighting a pack of robots, and his shirt torn open. And I was... gosh I think I froze for a second. We’ve been partners for years, we also had met at a gala when Bruce adopted me, multiple times! I practically knew him forever. I confessed right away. Bruce doesn’t like it for some reason, but whatever.”

“You took my advice huh?”

“Yup! I can do whatever I want. I like Superboy, he’s cool, and we get along well, and we’ve been dating for a few days now. And... he’s just really great.” Tim’s face melts into a blushing soft smile.

Jason smiles too.

“You look happy, Tim.”

Tim looks at Jason with his sincere blue eyes, with that bright smile directed at him, but not for him, “I am.”

They chat some more until Tim has to go home.

Then they walk to separate ways. Tim towards the city, and Jason to the dark alleys.

Jason waits for two hours. Text Tim that he can’t meet him because his boss needs him to work tomorrow urgently. Says his apologies. Says one more happy birthday. Says simple best wishes.

Then Jason lay on his bed. For a long time, he doesn’t fall asleep. Despite how tired he is, his mind cruelly up all night long, thinking of things he can’t change.

++++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : Graphic description of BLood and Violence. A Mild description of Panic/Anxiety attack
> 
> enjoy?

From time to time their hangouts on Fridays become less frequent. Tim had already made meeting with Jason -a regular civilian- hard enough with his lifestyle. Back then, Jason would always seek Tim, just taking him out of that busyness for a chill night out. Or just because he misses Tim, and wanted to see his face.

Jason doesn’t do that anymore.

They used to meet once a week, that turned into once in a while, and it’s been two months since Jason saw him last. They would still text regularly though, because even though it’s hard to meet Tim face to face, Jason never wanted to cut Tim off, never. So texting and calling it is, and it’s so much easier than seeing the person physically.

Jason loves when Tim sends him pet pictures. Tim would send a picture Titus the great dane snuggling with Alfred the cat, and it was the cutest sight he’s ever seen.

Sometimes he would check on Tim, asking if things are well. They would call and chat about petty things at work or things they’re mildly annoyed with. Or sometimes just banter about politics. None of them know how they got into that, but they did.

Jason would ramble about novels and Tim about a newfound manga. Talking and chatting like that is easier than meeting Tim, but it gets less and less easy for Jason.

Sometimes their call will be interrupted by someone. Sometimes Tim sends a couple of pictures with Superboy. Sometimes Tim didn’t reply for a month because of a mission, and Jason can’t do anything but to pray to the void and the universe that he’s alive at least.

He hated those days without hearing from Tim. There are times that his hands will start to shake whenever he was reminded that he hadn’t heard about Tim. His mind just whirls into the worst possibility ever and it’s swirling down too fast for Jason to stop.

It gets dangerous when he would drop heavy things in the middle of work. A car engine, a box of tools, his phone, and as a bonus, sometimes they land on his feet. Or when he sees bad news from a villain on TV, the world would spin a little and it’s harder to breathe.

He wanted to check up. He just wanted to walk to Wayne manor and demanded to know where he is.

To calm himself, he reminds himself that Tim has superheroes friends on his side. A Kryptonian as a soulmate too. Tim will be fine.

But sometimes those train of thoughts backfires.

They really have grown up after all. Jason promised himself that he’ll never let Tim grows away from him, but knowing the path he takes, and the soul mark on his body, some things are inevitable. Even so, Tim will be fine. With or without him.

As ridiculous as it sounds, Jason is anxious because there’s nothing to be anxious about.

“Jason!”

The ground is so close to his face. When did he get down on his knees? No, not on his knees anymore, he’s sitting on the side of his hips. He sees his open hands on the grease-stained ground, and they started to double into four.

“Breathe, Jason. Come on, follow my lead.” It’s Mrs. Knope’s voice. Feeling her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and following her commands to inhale and exhale.

Jason is getting his composure back, enough to look back to the TV hanged on the wall.

A swarm of robots attack in central Gotham. Red Robin is the first to respond. Tim’s bleeding, thrown to the ground, but he keeps getting back up. Jason wanted to run there, to help, to do something.

His friends came in. Superboy carries Red Robin away.

And Jason sighs at ease.

Tim is safe.

Tim will be fine.

++++++++

[Two Months ago]

Tim

Saw you on tv todya

Today

I rly thought you gonn die if not for your bf saving your dumbass so many times

Get back to me after you’re conscious you mad lad

[One Month ago]

I hope you’re on a mission rn and not purposely ignoring me

Or are you still recovering? you better be having some fingers cracked for not replying to me

Jk tho heal faster bitch I need some Alfred’s fluff belly pics

[Three weeks ago]

Tim what’s going on?

[Two Weeks ago]

Hey, dude, I’m just checking in

Saw you in crime alley

You’re dressed as a girl but you ain’t fooling me

[Two weeks ago]

Nvm it’s not you

Where are you tho?

[Yesterday]

Tell me you’re okay at least

Just something

Anything

Tim

++++++++

It struck like a bad feeling. Like a ghost going through your body, sending chills down your spine that can only mean nothing but bad. He’s started shaking like a scared rabbit. The ground under his feet feels like moving like a boat through a storm, he lost strength in his grip and his legs.

He lands himself on the side of the car he was working on, leaning there until he gets his ground again. From far away he can see Mrs. Knope coming over to him.

“Jason, it’s okay,” she turned the TV off, knowing it’s one of Jason’s trigger.

It’s not. Not this time, and the reason is something Jason couldn’t explain. He holds on to her, and regain his breath like the practice she taught him.

“Mrs... Mrs. Knope,” Jason said after finally catching his breath, “I have to go, right now, I’ll work on weekends in return.” Then Jason takes off without looking back.

“What- oh you better!” she scolded before she’s out of Jason’s hearing range.

Running aimlessly, Jason found himself in the depth of Crime alley, trying to look for Tim there and it _is_ as crazy as that sounds, but his mind is awry from rational thoughts to think any differently. So, there he goes running like he’s a scared tourist. Then, after regaining some of his sanity, he calls and texts Tim even though his chat from two months ago hasn’t been read yet. Unsurprisingly, Tim didn’t pick up.

Bearing no fruit from running around, the only reasonable place he can look for Tim is the Wayne manor.

He has absolutely zero fucks at the moment that it’ll make Batman know that Jason knew about their identities. That’s a problem he’ll deal with after he calms his sudden anxiousness. It sounds like a petty reason but currently, Jason feels like dying.

There’s no public transport to the rich residential area, but there’s a stop near there so he takes it. Annoying the people on the bus with the tapping of his foot. He calms himself, thinking about good things, positive things. That maybe he’s just imagining things, that Tim is fine and maybe on a prolonged mission, and he’s making a fool of himself.

That must be it. He just needs to know that Tim is fine, even though going to his home is stalker-ish, it’s just something Jason needs to do. His embarrassment will have to wait.

Jason runs there as soon as the bus’ door open, powered with adrenaline and anxiousness. Soon, Wayne Manor came into view, and he spams the bell by the gate until someone finally speaks from the speaker in a British accent.

“Wayne Manor, state your business.”

“I need to see Tim,” Jason demanded.

“I’m sorry sir, but Master Timothy is still at work.” Oh, that’s good, now he just needs to go there.

“Where? Tell me the adress.”

“And what is your business with Master Timothy?”

“I just need to see him, he’s not returning my calls and texts the past two months. So, just tell me where he is!” Jason is getting impatient.

“Pardon me, but I don’t like your threatening tone, please contact Master Timothy himself if you’d like to meet.”

“No! Mr. Pennyworth I’m sorry just listen to me,” Jason called his name, and the static noise means the butler hasn’t disconnected yet.

Jason felt like his breathing is getting hard, but, oh god, not now...

“I need to see him,” Jason’s breath is getting shallower, he doesn’t want to do this, but Pennyworth is stalling, deflecting, now Jason knows something is wrong. “I know you know who I am, and I know...” Jason gulps, “I know.”

There’s a pause from the other end, and the gates open.

“Please come in Mr. Todd.” The speakers say before it’s off.

Jason runs through the pathway to the grand 4-meter tall door. A butler opens it before Jason has a chance to knock. Face stoic and head high. A balding drey hair, matching thick mustache, judging eyes and dressed in a pristine black suit and white shirt. The old butler moves away from the door and gestured Jason to come in.

The room inside is warm and cozy, but so big that it feels uneasy for Jason that used to tight spaces. Carpeted floor, a high ceiling with a chandelier in the middle of it and a massive family portrait at the end of the wall. Tim is in it, along with Bruce Wayne, the first adopted son Richard Grayson, the second adopted daughter Stephanie Brown, and the blood son Damian Wayne.

“Master Tim had gone off-grid for an hour,” Pennyworth informed, “The others are trying to find him at this moment, we could wait together if you’d like, to calm yourself from having an attack.” The butler eyes him knowingly, eyes fond and understanding.

Jason grits his teeth, impatient, “No, where is the last point he’s offline.”

“If you have any intentions to find him, I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“You have to,” Jason stares down at the butler with fist clenched, “Depends on the area, he may not make it.”

“I assumed you knew about Master Timothy’s capabilities, I guess I assume wrong.” The butler shows his deprecating face towards Jason, and he’s not having that.

“Oh I know Tim can kick-ass, but I know these people even more, and their reputation underground. You don’t know how deep those villains connection runs. The people down there will do anything, only for a few bucks, or just something to eat. And you bet they would kill and conspire, and they won't care who they kill.”

Then, the butler’s expression is finally something else than calm stoic, but he stays silent.

“You don’t need to tell me anything else, just what his alias is, and the last time he’s visible. Please,” Jason begged, and it’s hard to control the croak threatening at the back of his throat.

“He’s last seen on Fulton street,” that’s near Crime alley, “his alias is Cal Corcoran.”

Jason sighs a relieved breath, “Thank you, and one more thing, don’t tell _them_ that I’m looking for Tim.”

“Why is that.”

“Because _he_ won't like my way, and I don’t want him to hold me back.”

Pennyworth’s face twisted in regret, but before the butler can say anything. Jason holds his arm in a firm grasp, eyes sharp the other’s pair of old wise eyes.

“I know you don’t trust me, but you have to believe in me. I’ll find him.” He’s filled with unshakable tenacity, newfound courage and an absolute determination to do anything. “Even with my life on the line.”

Pennyworth doesn’t move even a muscle on his face, then he holds the hand on his arm.

“Please bring him home,” the butler finally says.

Jason nods gratefully and runs towards the city. He knows exactly who to see first.

++++++

Jason had never been back here for years. When he left, he never looks back. How many years has it been? Yet everything is still the same. Still so easy to pick the door open. The room still smells foul, and the furniture is just as old and scarce.

An old man sprawled the couch, a beer on his hand and the tactical gear on his body means that he just returned from ‘work. He looks even older as if that’s even possible compared the state Jason last seen him.

“What are you doing here,” his dad slurred in his speech, not even bothered to stand up.

“You are going to tell me the list of your friends and where I can meet them.”

“And why do you think I would tell you?” He smirks, and he laughs, like a drunk. Then he throws the bottle of beer, aiming for Jason’s head, which he gives credit to his dad it was pretty close.

But he avoids it with ease, and the bottle breaks on the wall behind him.

“Get out! Get the fuck outta--” His dad finally shuts up, thanks to Jason’s knife against his throat.

His dad twists his face in outrage, “You don’t have the balls to--” Jason takes the knife away, leaving a red mark on the neck, and sink that knife on his dad’s right hand and through his thigh when Jason sees it grabbing into something in his pocket. The man only screamed for a millisecond before Jason shoved a bundle of cloth on his old man’s screaming mouth.

There are tears rolling down his sunken eyes. Jason never saw him cry before, not even when his mom died.

Jason left the knife there, and pulls another one and place it on a red line on his neck. His dad twitch away, he tried to, but Jason’s knife presses his neck hard against the couch. There’s no compassion left in him for his dad, not ever fear or guilt when looking at the man’s terrified and pained face.

“I will and can kill you if you’re not useful. I can get the names from anyone else, but I figure... You’d like a chance to do your son at least one favor, wouldn’t you?” Jason doesn’t frown, doesn’t show any expression. He doesn’t want to grace his dad with any expression. The knife sinks into the think fled on his neck, and Jason mercilessly drags it towards his Adam's apple like cutting a cake, leaving a trail of red that leaks blood.

“Wouldn’t you?” Jason says more firmly, pressing the knife even deeper.

His dad is shaking, eye blown wide in terror, and finally nods.

“Good, and along with the names, I’m going to need your guns and stash of drugs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter, but the next one is gonna be 3k-ish that for me... feels hella long


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF BLOOD AND VIOLENCE. GORE.
> 
>   
I really hope I do well in this chapter, this is the most important chapter of the fic. I hope I did this justice lol
> 
> enjoy?

The night is as dark as always in Bludhaven, the familiar crime and poverty earned her the nickname ‘Gotham’s sister City’. A man in a suit and long khaki trench coat steps down the stairs to the subway where only a few people are waiting for the train. Despite walking in the poorly lit halls at night, the man wears a vintage sunglasses with metal frames. The man is odd, not because of his fashion sense, but the man is chewing a match on his front teeth like a hillbilly with hay. Yet, even so, the citizen of Bludhaven doesn’t bat an eye.

He enters the employees only room, an old woman announcer is sitting there lethargically, with a uniform too tight for her plump body. Her veined eyeballs looking at the screen of train maps and schedule before she tore her empty gaze away towards the man with a knowing look. The man slides an envelope and waits for the announcer to look at what’s inside. When the lady smiles in satisfaction, she nods to the employee’s only exit.

The man goes through there, and it leads to the path beside the train tracks. It’s not really a path, more like a small gap between the tunnel wall and the train track. The man’s shoulder barely fit in that gap. The tunnel is void of any light the further he walks, and the man lits up the match from his mouth to light the rest of the way. The train will pass in about a minute, that’s the window for the man to find an opening along his side of the wall of this tunnel. But he relies on Bludhaven’s tendency to delay trains for more window.

He walks and walks, lit many matches, he should’ve brought a flashlight. Thirty minutes in, he finally hears a faint voice of engine and pistons running growing closer. When the train’s light from far away is finally visible, the man sprints and slips inside the opening he’s been looking for. The fire on the match on his hand is blown off by the gush of wind the train brought as it passes through.

The man walks deeper into the crack in the wall, it smells of rodents dropping, musty with mold and eerily damp. There’s no light in that path, but the man somehow never trips.

Finally, there’s a light at the end of the path. A body in a red uniform and tattered black cape laying in the middle of the room. The only light source there is a strong beam of spotlight forming a circle surrounding what it seems to be Red Robin’s body.

The man paused after recognizing the body, mortified at the body’s condition laid on top a pool of red and runs towards the open room. He manages to step twice into the room before a hard hit lands on the back of his head. His feet manage to land, but not enough balance to root to the ground. In addition, his vision is spinning from the hit and he falls to the concrete ground in a loud echoing thud.

A loud shrill laugh breaks the eerie silence of the room. The laugh that had terrorized all men of the world in fear. Came into view to the man’s blurry vision, even with his now cracked black tinted sunglasses, the man can see a pair of green loafers drenched in blood steps in front of him. Beside those shoes, is a crowbar also drenched in blood, some red and some had dried to brown.

The man looks up, knowing it must’ve what he wants, and see a man with pale skin void of life that it’s completely porcelain white, and a big smear of red on his lips painted like a smile all the way to his cheeks. His synthetic green hair matches his small pupils. His purple suit with a yellow shirt underneath is drenched in sweat and splattered with blood, but it’s still tidy as if it’s his last effort to be presentable. It’s a clown that everybody knew, and his famous trademark smile spread disturbingly wide.

“I hear from my little mice, that your pretty little bird with sky blue eyes and raven black hair had been asking around about me~” the clown sings, walking around the man while dragging the wet crowbar that creates a thin red line.

“You naughty _naughty_ bat, I prepared a game for you, a little treasure hunt. There were surprises for you to find on each clue you find, I worked hard for it you know? You’re not being fair!” The clown screams angrily, he’s frowning lips look disturbing on top of his permanent smile.

“I’M NOT EVEN DONE WITH YOUR PRESENT YET HOW DARE YOU.”

He slams the end of the crowbar to the man’s right leg, hitting it repeatedly until there’s a crack under the flesh. The man still stubbornly holds back and deeply growls between his clenched teeth.

“WHAT? Too proud to scream? Well...you sure know how to make me feel all tingly inside hehehe...” The clown pants hard until saliva drools from his mouth, “I never hear you scream, always so composed...” Another strong merciless smash landed on the man’s right leg, his teeth dug into his lips.

Then Joker misses his leg and bends the crowbar.

“Aw shucks! I gotta amp things up then! I know just the perfect thing!” The clown runs into the dark and quickly returns with a steel spiked club.

“SCREAM BATSY!” The clown screeched and pounds his right leg with the club.

Each hit sends the man an excruciating pain, the sound of metal against his flesh and bone makes the man sick. The Joker never looks away from his face, as if looking forward to his arrays of expression while his own is twisted into a depraved smile and laugh, panting almost like in lust. Blood from his leg spurts everywhere and formed an arch whenever he lifts the club.

The man bites into his palm to hold back his voice. The Joker doesn’t stop until the sound of a loud and distinct crack. When the man looks down he sees a bone sticking out in the middle of his calf.

The Joker pants happily and gave one last and hard swing until the man’s calf completely bends. The clown fixed his purple suit and comb back the strayed green strands of his hair.

The man reduced into a shaking mess, his hands are twitching from the pulsing pain in his leg.

“Well, color me impressed, you’re one stubborn bastard aren’t cha? I’ll let it pass cuz I love ya batsy~ And I bet yer beautiful blue bird is on the way here now, but not to worry!” The clown cheered. “My good little pumpkin pie’s gonna take care of ‘em good, but still! We got a schedule to get on,” the clown growls excitedly, and screech another shrill laugh.

“I hated that outfit though, I never liked those fake mustache... I wish for my darling Batman, not Matches Malone!” The Joker rambles and huffed like a little child.

The man finally gains his senses and has his eyes are on Red Robin. The teen vigilante barely moves, and only now the man sees the pool of blood surrounding him. The suit is tattered and ripped. His black hair hides his face and the parts where the face shows in swollen and blue.

“Oh... don’t worry about your red bird, as I said, I wasn’t done yet,” The joker shrugged, then smirks wickedly. “Wait, this is actually better, I know the perfect thing for our little bonding time. You, me, and the kid, like a beautiful family.” Joker sings endearingly, sending the man’s goosebumps on his spine.

“Time for a second round of... You scream You lose!”

Joker stands beside the limp and tattered body of Red Robin, stepping into the pool of blood that grows wider.

“What are you waiting for Brucie?” The clown raises the crowbar and swings it towards the body on the floor.

Before Joker can manage to hit Red Robin’s body, he’s pushed back by the force of two bullets hitting him on each thigh. Laying on the floor, the clown is stunned at the hi wound.

“That’s... that’s real bullets.”

There’s a pregnant pause between them, until the clown screams, not in pain, but laugh in excitement.

“AAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA YES! FINALLY! Oh, dear Batsy... You finally snap!!” the Joker moans disturbingly, saliva running down his smiling lips, leaving a red trail down his pale neck.

The man lies frozen in the dark, away from the spotlight where the Joker lies bleeding beside Red Robin. His hand on the gun was and still shaking, but somehow still hit the mark.

The Joker extends his hand to the man, Matches Malone, and gesture him to come into the light.

“Come! Come into the light... I want to see your face when you kill me...” The Joker giggles, “Come, please! For me Batsy... let me see your cold-blooded face before you kill me... COME ON!” The Jokers screams in impatience, still smiling ecstatically.

“Show me your shaking faith, I want to see you break,” Joker moaned.

Matches Malone, with fire in his heart, grunts lowly as his left shaking hand perch onto the concrete ground in the light. As much as he can, while only counting on friction between his palm and the ground, drags himself into the spotlight.

Finally, the man lets out his voice, “I’m not Batsy.”

The smile on the clown’s face twisted into disgusted confusion. Eyes open wide in anger, showing the veined red eyeballs. The Joker tried to move his legs, but he can’t.

“Wait--”

Is the last word of the clown before two bullets lands between those toxic green pupils.

++++++++++

Everyone in the poor side of Gotham knows Matches Malone, but there’s an unwritten rule for the bottom feeders to not speak of the name to just anyone. The man remains a myth. It was told that the man is a gang member, but he helps the people around him in obscure gestures for reason unknown. Handing a hundred dollar bills to beggars, blankets, food, even doctor appointments under a made-up name. People in crime alley hides those good deeds of him from other gang members, afraid they would kill Malone that provides for them. The people kept him alive for selfish reasons.

Jason was one of those people at one point in his life.

He remembers his characteristic. His height, hair, sense of fashion, and the match between his lips that made him earn the name Matches Malone.

And from Tim’s stories, he also knew that Matches Malone is Bruce Wayne.

Jason asked around, hiding his face, but not too much. He heard how Richard Grayson speaks from many interviews he’s done on TV, as Dick Grayson the son of Wayne, the cop, and Nightwing. The same black hair and blue eyes is a good little luck that eases Jason’s effort.

Jason knows how to differentiate the real civilians, the ones that pretend, and the ones that are both, that knowledge is for basic survival for Jason who grew up behind the dirty backstage of Gotham’s bright stage.

Talk to the right person with the right words and let it travels to the right man. Not all of them though, too much info then it’ll be known that the one chasing the captors doesn’t have a supercomputer. That’s where anesthesia and garbage bins play their part.

Not only his dark hair and blue eyes, but his frame also came in handy. In the past years, his body had bulked up in weight and shoots up in height. He dressed in rental suits and coats, slick his hair back and chewed a match between his front teeth. When he looks in the mirror, it’s like looking at the past when that man gave him a burger to eat and to go.

After asking around, Jason hears about a ‘meeting’ by Bludhaven’s hidden warehouse. He’s been told about ‘someone’ having a business deal with ‘Cal Corcoran’. Jason already knew it was the Joker, only he can make the people he speaks with trembles in fear and utmost secrecy, the ones that are not his men at least.

Jason almost snaps when he sees Tim on the spotlight of the room at the end of the pathway. His heart hammers against his ribs hard enough to feel like it’s bruising. But he knows there’s a reason why Tim is presented that way, and why no one else is visible in that room but Tim. Jason can’t see anyone in that room, not even a silhouette. Means that if there’s someone there, it’s gotta be right beside the opening of that path.

Jason runs anyway, and anticipate the hit on the back of his head. He knocks his head to the front a little to reduce the force coming onto the back of his head.

He wants to reach out for Tim. His Red Robin suit is in tatters, so many cuts on his lean body, and he only got a peek on his face between his damp black hair covering it. There’s so much blue on his face. He wants to move, wants to wrap that body close and feel his breathing, or warmth, to relieve himself after knowing Tim is alive.

When lying on the floor with a clown beating up his leg. It was then, Jason truly feels fear. Not because of death, but just seeing the Joker close and getting a feel of how twisted of a man he is. It sends chills on his back to know this kind of man is real and alive.

Jason sees red when the Joker shows his blood-covered spiked club, and drags it around. Then that clown raises that club in the air to swing it towards Tim, that’s when Jason snaps. His hand is shaking from the torturous pain on his leg, but his adrenaline from seeing it about to hit Tim beats the shaking fear and pain.

And before the Joker gets to land another blow, Jason pulls out his gun from the inside of his suit in one swift move and pulls the trigger twice. Both landed satisfyingly on both of the clown’s thighs, leaving two growing wet patches on his purple trousers.

But then the clown laughs cheerfully like he’s won.

The Joker called him Batman. The Joker called him Bruce.

The Joker begs to see ‘the loser’s’ deteriorated face as he begged to be killed by Batman.

Jason hesitates, he had a syringe of strong anesthesia shot on the pocket of his coat. He knows Tim and the rest of the vigilantes is against killing no matter how vile the villain. No matter how much body count the villain made.

Jason looks at the Joker’s ecstatic face, then to Tim’s near-death body.

Then Jason makes an indubitable decision.

Even with his broken leg, he stubbornly drags himself into the light.

Everyone knew the Joker’s fixation towards the bat, and Jason can’t risk to let out his screams when the clown beats his leg into a pulp.

When he speaks, his prediction was correct, the Joker knows instantly that he’s not Batman by voice. He sees the Joker’s mortified expression in a flash, to think a clown can frown like that.

He doesn’t give the genocidal clown the time to finish his sentence and put two bullets in his head. His brain splatters on the ground, and he dies with a mortified face.

Only after seeing the clown dead that Jason finally breathes, shaking in fear, cry, letting go of his nerves. He did okay for pretending to be brave and calm but he can’t believe what just happen.

He looks down to his leg, and see his right calf is bending forward. The tip of his foot almost touch his knees, and a bone is sticking out at the back of his calf.

It’s horrifying to see his own flesh and bones out in the open, and most of all, it fucking hurts, but Jason doesn’t let shock or pain cloud his mind too long.

He crawls over to Tim’s left side of the body right away. The blood that surrounds him ripples at Jason’s interruption and made him slip trying to crawl across. He carefully grabs Tim’s shoulder to lay him on his back and comb his hair away from his face.

His heart ached and his fingers twitch away immediately when he sees Tim’s face swollen in red, purple and yellow. Red cuts peppered here and there, and one is curve-shaped like the curve of the crowbar. Half his face is red with blood that pours from the wound in his head.

Not only that, Tim’s body does bulk up, but with the gashes here and there, the open flesh between the ripped suit, Tim looks delicate and frail. His sleeves, legs, and back is torn, he was shielding himself, because the scars are concentrated there, there might be bones broken underneath the blueing wound.

Then Jason spots a deep and bleeding gashed flesh on the side of Tim’s abdomen. Whether it’s from a stab or that fucking crowbar, it must’ve been deep to be still bleeding. Jason grabbed his suit, pressed it on the open wound, and tighten it with his belt, hoping it’s enough to stop the bleeding.

Jason pressed a finger on the back of Tim’s jaw and another under the nose.

Tim’s not breathing.

Jason’s heart stopped, and in an instant, his hand trembles.

“No... No, Timmy, stay with me.”

Jason hurriedly calls 911, but not to call the operator though.

“911 what’s-”

“Oracle! I know you can hear me send help, hurry he’s badly hurt!” and Jason hangs up before the operator can say another word.

Jason uses his knife to rip the suit down in the middle to get ready to perform CPR and he sees a few more curved shaped gashes there. Jason shivers at the sight, but he pulls himself together. He takes off his disguises, mustache, sunglasses, trench coat, suit, and tie so he can move better.

Jason tips Tim’s head back and stacks his palms above Tim’s bruised chest. He needs to be on his knees to be higher and stretch his arms, which means leaning on his broken leg. He breathes rapidly to prepare himself for the pain and quickly stood up on his knees.

His screams roar and echoed through the room. He’s breathing rapidly from the shocking pain of his broken leg, almost hyperventilating. He straightens his hands, that only then he realized are violently shaking and feeling frustratingly feeble. But he held his hands tight, putting all his strength to stiff his arms and starts to pump Tim’s chest. Pushing hard with the help of his body weight, and blowing air into his mouth every few pumps.

A chill runs down Jason’s neck, his hand starting to feel numb. He’s starting to lose his strength.

He does it a few more times. So, many more times, he lost track of time. But Tim doesn’t open his eyes, he couldn’t feel a heartbeat no matter how many times he checks between pushing.

Then his arms give up, and Jason’s torso fall on top of Tim’s, but he holds himself up with his legs, and he screamed at the stabbing pain in his leg.

Jason breathes, in and out, remembering Mrs. Knope’s pace.

“Urgh... Come on come one Jason pull yourself together,” Jason slaps himself across the face, hard.

With another scream, he raises up again and stars to pump harder, he cringed when he hears another bone broken under the pressure of his hands, but Jason kept trying.

“No... No, Timmy, you can do this.” Jason blows into his mouth.

Jason puts all his remaining strength on his arms, clenching his teeth every time his legs tortures him on every slight movement. He presses his shaking fingers under Tim’s jaw and still finds nothing.

He gets back up and is about to pump again, but a sudden sharp pain strikes his broken leg. Jason is starting to lose the feel of his hands, and they’re twitching violently now. Still, even with the excruciating pain, he stood up on his knees and put his hands together.

This time, when he pushed, his arms gave up and he fell on top of Tim. His elbows landed on the ground first and manage to hold him from landing his full weight on Tim.

His forearms sink into Tim’s pool of blood. Jason is terrified to see how much Tim is losing blood. He wants to get up but he doesn’t have enough strength to straighten his arms anymore, not enough to even push himself up.

“AAAAAAAAAH!” Jason roars in frustration, his throat hurts when he did. Using the last of his energy, he pulls his back and sits up.

Stubbornly, he tried to move his legs to stand again. He tried, with distressed screams, again and again, and always falls. He can’t even punch the ground in frustration.

“NO!” He cries out, screaming on top of his lung, then his sobs come out instead.

“No...” Jason put his left arm around Tim’s shoulder, his right on his waist, and pull him with the last drop of his energy.

He cradles Tim's shoulder and laying his limp head on his arms.

“Tim, wake up, please... Tim,” Jason sobbed desperately, but the battered face shows no sign of reaction.

“Tim! WAKE UP DAMMIT!” Jason screamed, shaking the shoulder in his arms lightly.

He cradles Tim’s face with his right hand, rubbing Tim’s cheeks with his thumb, careful not to touch the bruises and the cuts as if Tim can still feel the pain.

The spotlight above them hits Tim’s body. It accentuates everything Jason doesn’t want to see. The size of his swollen eyes. The stark red flesh inside his open wound doesn’t even bleed anymore. His eyelids are persistently closed. The lack of movement on his chest. His hair damps with his own blood. His pale busted lips. His pale face. And no matter how well Jason can see Tim under the lights, he can’t see any slight movement from the body in his arms.

A drop of tear landed on Tim’s face. Jason buries his face on the crook of Tim’s cold neck, and he let himself break there.

Jason cries harder, streams of tears running down his face as he cradles Tim’s neck. His other hand still on Tim’s shoulder and holds it tightly and close, desperate to find warmth from Tim’s body.

There’s none.

“This isn’t real... You have to get up Tim... You have to. I know you’re strong... You’re so strong, you can get back from this... You can get back up from anything... I’ve seen you.”

Jason lifts his head to see Tim’s face again, hoping something changed, something move, incase Tim hears him. Still nothing.

“Tim... Tim! Open your eyes... breathe Tim... Please, you’re safe now, get up... get up Tim.”

No matter how desperate and loud Jason begs and cries, no matter how tightly Jason hugs him, there’s nothing.

Jason feels a large chunk is being ripped away from his chest. What’s left is a terrifyingly deep hole with no end, and it keeps on ripping himself apart the longer he holds on to Tim’s body that lay motionless in his arms.

He lay his temple on top of Tim’s, feeling how cold the skin is against his and his tears pour harder. He takes in a deep shuddering breath at the chill of Tim’s skin. He picks up the smell Tim’s scent of sweat and that hint of baby powder mixed with mold and iron.

With his weak hands, he holds Tim as tightly as his strength allowed him. It’s the first time he had ever hold him this way.

His throat hurt from screaming, he felt like he can’t speak anymore, but the agony in his heart begs him to. Jason felt an overwhelming feeling of pain, and regret, enough to push him.

“Timmy... I love you,” he whimpered between his trembling lips with a painful strain in his voice. He presses his face against Tim’s that’s soberingly cold and sobs even harder.

The pain in his chest stabs even deeper, it left him breathless, but he still has so many things to say. Things that are too late to say.

“I’ll still love you even though you’ll go far far away for your mission, even though you won’t come back for a long time after that. I’ll still love you even though ramble about animes and mangas I don’t get,” Jason chuckled bitterly.

Jason shuts his eyes close, wincing at the feeling like there’s something twisting to dig into his heart.

It chokes him, pulverizing his heart and it ached more than his leg. The pain punches even more pathetic sobs out of his mouth instead of the things he’s too late to say.

Jason breathes through his clenched teeth, and he cried out with trembling voice.

“I’ll still love you even though you’re not mine to love, Tim, and... and I’ll still love you even though we’ll drift apart someday... Just don’t leave Tim... don’t leave me... don’t leave me here... don’t go... ” his voice cracks as the pain digs even further.

His arms around Tim’s body tighten, face buried on top of Tim’s head, and lips tightly pressed against the roots of Tim’s hair.

Jason breathes shakily, wailing desperate sobs against Tim’s cold skin. He rocks him gently back and forth, cradling the body dearly and close, sending light ripples on the pool of blood surrounding them.

His snapped leg is bleeding out too, and now he’s at the point that his vision blurs and tinted black inconsistently. But he tried to stay conscious, for Tim, in case help is coming.

Jason mutters Tim’s name under his weakened breath, begging him to open his eyes, begging Tim to not leave him, telling Tim how much he loves him.

All fall on deaf ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted to split this in two to like, add the "oooh who's Matches Melone then?" but like who am I kidding lol it's so obvious.


	4. Chapter 4

That was the worst nightmare Jason had ever had. Worse than the dreams he had of his parents. Instinctively, he stars to look for water when he felt his throat hurts.

It hurts too when he gets up, he sees his hand on the edge of a bed that’s not his, and see an IV needle on the back of his hand. His eyes dart around the room and see a stained white ceiling, grimy white walls, and things that are definitely not things from his room.

There’re three other beds beside him. One is occupied with an old man, one is a kid that’s sleeping, and the other one is empty. It smells barely sterile in this room, and he remembered this smell.

It’s a hospital.

Jason looks down to his body that wears a hospital gown. Only one leg is sticking out of the gown. He pulls his gown up and sees his stub of a right leg... What sinks in for Jason is not that he lost his leg, but that his dream is real. He killed the Joker, and Tim died in his arms... Did he?

Did Tim die?

No.

Chills running down his spine and dread seeps into his bone.

Jason quickly sits up and takes off his infusion. Carefully, he puts his one leg on the floor and hops to the door. From the hectic hallways, he knew this is a public hospital, he used to drag his mom’s unconscious body here a lot of times before.

No one is going to bat an eye seeing him limps away. He hops back inside his room and found the clothes that are folded on the desk between the beds. It’s the rental shirt and trousers, brownish and stiff from dried blood. He ditches his clothes and sticks to his hospital gown instead.

“Sonny,” the old man called, “You won’t go anywhere far with one leg, and they’ll stop you if you go outside wearing gowns” His voice shakes and weak.

“Sorry gramps, I’m still going.”

“Then take my crutch, I also got some clothes,” he points on one leaning on his bed, and he opens the drawers from his desk and pulls out a pair of clothes.

“I’m not so low to steal crutches.”

“M’ giving it to ya... Don’t worry, I can ask for another.” The old man gave him a sympathetic smile, and hands over his clothes, “Go on, I know you need to be somewhere important.”

Taking his clothes and crutches, Jason gave him a simple but genuine gratitude to the old man. He peels his gown off and puts on the old man’s clothes, which is way too big for him since the old man is on a chubby side. He tightens the belt, though it’s a 90’s baggy fit, he nods gratefully at the old man and limps as fast as he can from the hospital.

There only one place he can think of that can give him an answer. He takes the bus, and stop on a station as near as he can, then limps under the rarely bright sun to Wayne Manor. It’s a lot of work to walk with one crutch and one leg, but he hops anyway until he’s arrived at the familiar gate.

It feels like yesterday that Jason presses the bell beside the gates desperately. Maybe it really was yesterday. Jason doesn’t know how many days had passed since then.

“Mister Todd?” a familiar British accent came from the speaker before Jason had a chance to spam the bell.

“Hi, Mr. Pennyworth, you know why I’m here. Where is he?”

There a long pause from the other end of the line.

“Mr. Pennyworth?”

“Hold on a second sir,” he said, and Jason can hear a lot of bickering on the background before the speaker went completely silent.

Jason sits down on the polished concrete ground, more like he fell than just sitting. The adrenaline in his body finally spent out and now he’s feeling pain all over his body. Mostly his right leg, it’s throbbing in pain. He should’ve stolen a few painkillers before he walks out of the hospital, it didn’t cross his mind at all.

The sun is right at the top of his head, it’s glaring down mercilessly with heat and brightness. His hands feel cold and his vision has dark splotches. He tries mindful breathing, trying to get his senses to stay alert.

He can’t pass out until he knows.

“Mr. Todd? Why are you on the ground?” the speaker said, there must’ve been cameras, Jason never noticed.

“I’m fine, just tell me please.”

“Master Timothy is... in critical condition sir, he has head trauma and right now is still in a coma.”

Jason blinks, he doesn’t know what to feel about that.

“But he’s alive, right?”

“Yes, but there’s no telling when he’ll wake up.”

And that’s it for Jason. The rest of his body hits the hot ground, completely lying there, and Jason tried desperately to support himself on his elbows. Wet drops fall on the concrete, it’s both his tears and his cold sweat, and Jason bites his lips to prevent his sobs.

“Are you alright sir?”

“Ahaha, who knows...” Jason croaks weakly with a tremble in his voice. “Ca-can I see him?” Jason looks up to the speaker, but it’s double in his vision and so, so bright.

There’s another pregnant pause from Pennyworth, then another ruckus starts again in the background.

“I’m sorry, sir, you’ll have to excuse me again.”

Before Jason can respond, Alfred is away, but this time the line isn’t cut. Jason can hear the noise of a lot of people talking. Somehow he can hear faintly, but he can’t make up the words. Someone screams, then it was still. It sounds like Alfred is talking. There are more talking, and talking until it’s a storm again. Then there’s a loud clap, that even Jason is surprised.

So, Jason waits. He’s sitting back up at least, leaning his back against the carved concrete gate column. His vision is still all spinny and hazy. His leg is killing him, the pain makes his lips and hands shake. It felt like it just got another round with the clown.

Jason breathes again while covering his eyes from the sun with his palm.

He doesn’t know how long time has passed, or if he passed out between his consciousness. The gate opens, a wheelchair came into view, and then the butler bends down to his level.

“Hold on to me sir, let’s get you into the wheelchair.”

Jason sits on the wheelchair in one swift movement, and he doesn’t even have the energy left to be surprised that the old butler just carried him easily. He’s inside the manor the next time he blinks.

It’s cool and a bit dimmer inside, his vision isn’t as blurry anymore. The butler hands him a tall glass of water and puts it near his lips.

“Wha-”

“You’re dehydrated sir, please drink,”

Jason leans a little while Alfred tips the glass gradually and finishes the water in a few gulps, then Pennyworth put the empty glass on an aluminum tray on top of a marble table beside the door. He already feels a bit better. A pair of gloved hands hold onto a syringe and Jason’s senses go full alert.

“What’s that?”

“Pain killer, do you not want it?”

His leg acted up as if begging him to say yes, giving Jason an excruciating pain, “Yes please.”

Pennyworth rubs the back of Jason’s elbow with a damp cotton swab, and sinks the needle in and push the liquid in slowly. After he’s done, Pennyworth put the syringe and his gloves on the table, that Jason realized has a bottle of rubbing alcohol, another glass of water and a vase.

“Drink more sir, can you hold it?” Pennyworth hands Jason another glass full of water.

Jason looks down to his hand, clench and unclenches them.

“Yeah,” Jason’s hand still trembles because of the pain, the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet, but he has the strength to hold onto the glass himself.

“Thank you,” Jason hands the empty glass back to Pennyworth.

“Alright, shall we?” Pennyworth gets behind him, and when Jason nods, the butler pushes him.

They pass the room with the big painting and other pictures. The walk down the hall is awfully quiet, through many rooms like the kitchen and the living room and something feels off.

“I thought I heard other people talking when you told me to wait, where are they?”

“I put them in their room.”

Jason blinks, “Like, on time out?”

“Yes, they’re being disrespectful and difficult.”

Jason has a feeling that their argument involves him, but he doesn’t care about that for now.

“I can’t believe you just put a group of vigilantes on time out,” Jason scoffed, “How?”

“I threatened them.”

“You? Threatening _them_?”

“Yes,” Pennyworth says firmly, and Jason feels his heart stops a beat.

“Ok, alright, cool.”

They arrive at a library and Jason is mesmerized by how many books there for a while until Alfred walks to the grandfather clock and starts to screw around the clock hands. Then... the grandfather just scoots over, revealing a path inside.

“Wait... is that-”

“The bat cave, yes.”

Jason only heard it from Tim’s stories, but never in his life, he thought he gets to be in it for a real.

“I... are you sure Batman allows me in there?”

“He has no say in this, I do,” Pennyworth then pushes him forward, and surprisingly, there's a ramp beside the stairs on the way down.

It’s overwhelming, the bat cave. A big ass computer, a big ass fucking Joker card, a big ass coin, a big ass jet plane and for some reason, a big ass dinosaur. Rows of different batmobile that three of them Jason had stolen the tires from. The ceiling is mostly rock in stalactite form, and there are literal bats up there. Then the most mind-boggling of all, a fucking cow just chilling there in the middle of the room.

Alfred pushes him to a deeper part of the cave, towards a room with glass walls. Inside, is a lot of machines and a big bed where Tim lays down. Jason can’t see Tim’s face too clearly when his eyes dart almost immediately to the person sitting on the bed next to Tim.

It’s Superboy. The superhero had the most broken expression on his face, his red-rimmed eyes with blue pupils look down to Tim. Strong big hands gently brush the pale skin, careful not to touch the bandages. Then it pushes the strands of hair from Tim’s sleeping face. His mouth is moving, talking fondly with a grim smile like he’s about to cry. Jason can’t hear anything from outside of the room, but even he felt like he’s intruding them of an intimate moment.

There's a heartbeat monitor spiking consistently. Jason feels a wash of relieve knowing that Tim’s alive, but a sobering feeling when he sees Superboy there.

The two of them looks like they’re in their own world and Jason is out here on the other side of the glass door, just looking inside.

“He’s alive,” Jason muttered under his breath.

“Yes, he is, thanks to you, sir,” Pennyworth looks down on him and it was the first time that Jason seen the butler smiles warmly.

“Just Jason please, I feel weird being called sir.”

“Then you may call me Alfred.”

Jason nods.

“You performed quite a strong CPR, you broke more ribs, but he’s alive because of it.”

Jason felt his heart thump, whether is relieve or confusion. He remembered not feeling any pulse from Tim, but he never felt so good to be wrong.

“What happened, Alfred?”

“Oracle heard you call from 911, and Nightwing is the one that found you. You fainted beside Master Timothy.”

“I meant what happened that got him there in the first place.”

“I can’t tell you that, Jason.”

Jason huffed frustratingly, “Of course, none of my business and all, I’m no cape-wearing meddlers after all,” he bitterly admitted, and Alfred doesn’t say anything about that.

“How long has it been since then?” Jason realizes he hasn’t checked on that either.

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks,” Jason echoed in disbelieve, then he cringed. The hospital bills are going to be a pain in the neck, and he’ll have to beg Mrs. Knope for forgiveness for being absent for two weeks.

“You can come in if you’d like.”

Jason snaps his face towards Alfred, and looks back into the room, seeing Superboy caressing Tim’s cheek and looks at Tim’s face like it’s his whole world.

“I don’t think I should,” Jason says dejectedly.

“You came a long way limping with your still wet stitches to meet him, Superboy won’t mind, in fact, he’s been waiting for you.”

Before Jason can protest, the butler puts his hand on a screen next to the glass door, and then it slides open. Superboy snaps his face right towards Jason in utter surprise. Not even a second passed, he dashes across the room and stands right in front of Jason.

It stunned Jason at the show of super speed, but what baffles Jason the most is that the stranger just falls down on his knees and wrap Jason in a hug.

“Thank you!” he says, holding Jason tight with his bodybuilder like body, “Thank you thank you thank you!” and he tightens the hold with his super strength, and Jason can’t breathe.

Superboy lets go immediately, and Jason takes a deep breath.

“Sorry oh my god I’m so sorry,” he flustered and nervously fidgets.

“It’s cool,” Jason said.

“I can’t believe I finally meet you, man! I wish I did, in better circumstances you know?” Superboy’s face fell, rubbing his own arms, “Thank you, for finding him, I... oh god I just...” he covered his handsome and tired face with both his palms.

Jason is speechless himself, being bombarded by the super’s personality. Even though Jason is sitting in a wheelchair, he knew Superboy is taller than him. Before he covered his face, Jason sees that he has a pair of round and honest eyes, sharp jawlines, and charming features on his face that just shines better when he smiled, even though exhaustion dims it.

From the edge of Superboy’s crew neck shirt, the tip of the diamond silhouette peeks through it. A soul mark identical to Tim’s.

“I owe you a favor.” Superboy suddenly says, finally showing his face.

Jason raises an eyebrow, “Why?”

“You saved my soulmate, and I want to return the favor. I failed to protect him and I...” Then Superboy looks down on his one leg.

That’s when Jason felt a twinge of irritation. He knows Superboy means well in saying that but it just makes Jason feels angry.

“I’m not doing it for you,” Jason said curtly, and the Superhero’s face finally mellowed, “Tim is my... best friend. I didn’t save him for anyone but Tim, and...” himself, Jason can’t continue.

He had predicted Superboy will have an unpleasant expression or maybe just a sneer, but he didn’t. Still with that pained smile that seems so honest and comes from his heart.

“Alright man,” Superboy put his hand on Jason’s shoulder, “but seriously, I’m grateful he’s alive, and you’re the reason why, so... thank you.”

His smile is genuine and soft, eyes sparkle with tears and Jason can feel that Superboy is a really good, a bit of a goof, but fun to be with, that’s what Tim said, and Jason can see that now.

“Your welcome.”

The gentle giant gave him a gentle pat and stands up, “I’m going home now Alfred.”

“Not staying for dinner?” The butler’s voice reminded Jason he’s still behind him.

“No, I’ve been here for a week, besides, bru- I mean Batman is being scary,” Superboy changed the name when realizing Jason is there, completely forgetting that the Batcave is in Wayne Manor. Jason chuckled internally.

Then Superboy walks out, and Jason takes a deep sigh, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’s been holding.

Alfred pushes him to face Tim’s right side. Either the bed is too big, or Tim is too small, but it looks like Tim is sleeping on a big comfy cloud.

“I’ll leave you to your own devices, will two hours be enough?”

Too short honestly, Jason wished he can stay until Tim opens his eyes.

“Yes, it will.”

“I’ll bring lunch for you in a few minutes.”

“Oh, no it’s okay.”

“You haven’t eaten solids in two weeks, Jason, I will not hear any more about the matter. You _will_ eat,” Alfred says with a sharp and firm voice. Now, Jason understands Alfred’s power.

“Okay, I’ll eat, thank you,” Jason submits.

Only then, Alfred’s face melts into a friendly expression, “Very well.” Then the butler promptly leaves the room.

Jason then darts to Tim’s face almost immediately. Tim is wearing a hospital gown, there are bandage wraps on a side of his face and his hands, and the waist down in covered under the blanket. His left arm wraps in a thick cast, Jason didn’t even know it was broken then.

His body is so still, and the fear came back to Jason. To the warehouse, dark, and damp. Where Tim lies in a pool of his blood, unmoving and cold.

His arms can still remember the weight of Tim’s limp body, the coldness of his skin, and how completely still his body is.

Before the memory haunts him again, he grabs Tim’s hand gently, mindful of the IV needle at the back of his hand. Immediately, Jason felt the warmth from Tim’s lean hand. He lets out a shuddering breath and cracks a weak smile.

“Your hand... it’s warm, warmer than mine...” Jason squeezed just a bit tighter, and the slight pulse makes his eyes burns.

He’s alive. He was not dead when Jason held him for what he thought would be the last time he could’ve held him. There’re no visible gashes on his body, no pool of blood, they’re not there anymore. Tim is safe, Tim is alive, Tim is here, with him.

Jason takes in a deep breath that still shakes. He’s relieved, scared, regretful, and so many others at once.

“If I had stopped you from becoming Robin back then, you wouldn’t be here. If I had said anything, maybe you’ll... You’ll think it over and maybe you’d-” his sob choked him from continuing. His smile never falters.

“Heh, then you wouldn’t have met your Superboy. Guess you’re destined to be a hero too...” Jason got choked up by the words he wanted to say and decides to never say it again.

So, he just holds onto Tim’s hand, feeling his palm, noting how rough and calloused it is. Tim really worked hard, just too hard.

Jason’s eyes take in every detail of Tim’s being. The skin that finally regains its color, the blue peeking from the bandages, the dried-up cuts, slight tint of red on his cheeks, and finally, his soul mark.

Now that he thinks about it, he should’ve known, the diamond silhouette is actually the silhouette of the super’s symbol.

A bitter smile creeps onto his face, “He seems nice, Tim. I can see that you two are perfect together.”

His hand tightens his grip on Tim’s, feeling cozy from the warmth, hoping it’ll distract him from the digging ache in his chest.

Though they only met for a short time, witnessing the way Superboy looks at Tim, that look of pain, guilt, self-blame, but most of all, completely in love. It makes Jason understands.

“He really is destined for you.”

There are more words threatening to spill, but his fear doesn’t let the words go.

So, Jason just stays there without another word. Just holding Tim’s hand while gazing at his peaceful sleeping face and paying close attention to the rise and fall of his chest. Feeling the hand’s warmth that gradually transfers to Jason’s, feeling the light pulse against Jason’s fingers, hearing the sound of the heart monitor beeping consistently, smelling the scent of the familiar baby powder.

Jason cracks a smile. He lets his tears fall in wallow and in pity for himself, just letting it be and admits to himself shamelessly. He promises himself that this will be the last time he cries for that reason.

That he’ll never let go the man in his hand, no matter what fate says.

++++++++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it cheesy? Yes. Do I regret it? Kinda.... But is it my brand? y e s s a d l y


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kon might be OOC.
> 
> who am I kidding, of course it is.

Alfred drove him back to the hospital after his time was up. Jason thanked the old man that gave him his crutch and clothes and gave them back.

The next day, Mrs. Knope came to visit him at the hospital. She looked worried sick and wrapped Jason in a hug the second she saw him. Jason had apologized instantly, about the mess and his absence and that Jason can’t say anything about it. The old woman just gave an understanding smile and a pat on the shoulder, as if she knew. Someone must’ve brief her, and Jason hoped it’s not Batman bursting through the window to let her know.

“You saved a life Jason, and I’m proud of you for that, I knew you’re a good kid,” she said, while rubbing the top of Jason’s head.

It felt good to be complimented. He didn’t remember when someone said they’re proud of him while being pat on the head.

Jason felt awkward about his leg. Still feels like it’s there, and the days in the hospital felt dreadful. He hated the hospital and the sick and dying people in it. After 8 weeks and his stub is deemed to be fully healed, he bolts out.

When it was time to check out, Jason had thought Mrs. Knope paid for his hospital bills, but she didn’t. She just said someone else did, ‘a hero helping a hero,’ she said, and it can’t be any more obvious, but Jason just went with it and say good riddance to the cursed place.

Jason lost all of his calf, and they amputated above his knees. The doctor said it was heavily infected and in no way saving and he had lost too much blood. Something technical was said and Jason hadn’t paid much attention. What’s done is done, it’s not like he makes money with his legs. He still has his hands, he’ll work it out.

Just when he thought of getting prosthetic right away, a prosthetic leg arrived at his home right when he arrived back home to Mrs. Knope’s place. Inside is a note from Alfred, saying thank you and his signature.

There’s a manual inside the box where the leg is. It said it’s a C-leg prosthetic. There’s a rotator on where his knees supposed to be. The body of the leg is matte black, and on the top, typed in small letters spelled ‘ottoback’.

Following the instruction, Jason put it on while he still has a stump shrinker on. The socket is cozy and snugly fit on his stump. His healed stump still felt a bit raw, but he tried it on anyway. It feels okay. It feels enough. Though, it’s eerily a perfect fit. How Alfred got his measures correctly is something he’d rather not think about too much.

Mrs. Knope had wanted him to rest more, but Jason became restless. He’s been laying in bed for two months, and he’s sick of doing nothing. Mrs. Knope agreed, on a condition that he attend rehabilitation for new amputees, also paid by ‘a mysterious benefactor’ Mrs. Knope said while giggling. In defeat, Jason did, which turns out to be very helpful to take care of his stump and how to walk in his new prosthetic.

It’s different with a prosthetic leg, or no leg at all. Sometimes he still freaks out seeing his leg is not there when he could feel it there. Sometimes it hurts when there’s no injury at all. The rehabilitator told him about the phantom limb pain, and how to deal with it. It’s anything but easy, but Jason still pays not much mind to it.

Agreeing to the rehabilitation, Mrs. Knope gave Jason work just as he wanted. But only half-day and the other half is for his rehabilitation. He doesn’t work a lot going under the car, just engines stuff, while he leads the newcomer. And he always sits, barely moving.

When he’s finally settled with his new daily routine, the months that passed by felt like flipping pages with the same words. Jason experienced his monotonous days with growing numbness. Just absentmindedly going through the day.

He sleeps at 11 pm, wakes up at 8 am, cook breakfast for him and Mrs. Knope. Work until 2 PM and goes to the rehabilitation center after a shower. Then he goes back home, cooks dinner, kills some time until it’s time to sleep. So and so, on repeat.

In the span of months, Jason feels nothing. No call from Alfred who’ll tell him if Tim wakes up. No reply back from Tim, if he’s already wake up. So, Jason waits, and while he waits, nothing feels like they matter more. Not the pain, not the nightmares, not his leg, the only thing that matters is far from his reach and all he can do is wait.

One day, after going back from the rehabilitation center, he takes a walk to the center of crime alley. Buy a sloppy joe and his feet carries him to a familiar building. No one guards the place. He used to go up to the roof and eat here, with Tim.

He eats there, alone. Hoping that he feels something. Hope.

Looking down to his feet and the ground 5 stories below, and feel a gaping hole in his chest digging deeper.

“Hey.”

Jason doesn’t even need to look back to know who’s calling him. Without replying, he sits beside Jason.

“Why are you here?” Jason asked.

Superboy doesn’t reply immediately, his handsome face twisted confusedly.

“This will sound creepy...”

“I’ve seen the Joker beat the fuck out of my leg while moaning, nothing you’ll do will out creep me.”

Kon grimaced, “That’s fucked up, and I’ve seen fucked up things.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you regret it?”

Jason looks at Superboy in the face, “No, but I’m never doing that again, I got out of these streets for a reason.”

Superboy seems confused, and Jason doesn’t feel like explaining himself.

“So, I’m here because... well, sometimes I checked up on you,” Superboy says instead.

“What does that mean?”

“I listen to you, like hearing you from afar, your heartbeat, your voice,” the hero looks down and shy away the more he said.

Feeling like his privacy is invaded, Jason narrowed his eyes, “Why?”

“I don’t know, you seem miserable, and I just wanted you to be okay.”

“I’m not okay, my best friend is in a coma,” Jason says flatly.

“He’ll wake up Jason.”

“Is one of your superpowers to know that too?” Jason says curtly.

“Look, I get that you’re sad, I’m sad too, but Batman has access to all the advanced tech and best doctors the world has to offer. They might not have the best impression for you, but they love Tim. So, I know he’s in good hands, and they’ll doing everything they can to get Tim better.”

Jason balled his fist, then lets out an amused laugh, “Yeah, yeah you’re right sunshine.”

Superboy looks surprised, and then he ducks his head as if hiding his face, “Name’s Kon by the way, short for Connor Kent. Just Kon is cool.”

Jason scoffed, “Do supers gave out their names this easily?”

“I figured you’ll know sooner or later anyway.”

“Guess so, Jason, but I bet you already knew.”

“I did, not from kind mouths though.”

“They still bad mouthing me there?” there as in Wayne Manor.

“More like thinking of what should be done about you.”

“Heh, creepy. What’s taking them so long then?”

“Alfred, me, and Oracle apparently. We want to leave you be, but most of them want you to get a trial.”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “For?”

“Killing the Joker,” Kon admits, he looks ashamed. There’s a pregnant pause between them, and then Jason’s laugh breaks the silence.

“That’s classic Batman!”

“You’re not angry?” Kon asked, dumbfounded.

“More like pissed, but they can’t do anything to me. They wanna do what? Kill me? Lock me up? Let me guess, they’re afraid I’ll blabber about their identity.”

“Yup.”

“They decided whether or not to bring me down and not what to do if I fight back?” Jason amusedly laughs, “They think they can win, they think I won’t fight back, dirty.”

Kon chuckled, “Some balls you got there.”

“Takes a pair to grow up on these streets.”

“Yeah... I never liked this city.”

“Way different from Metropolis?”

“Like black and white.”

With a huff of breath, Jason looks up to the reddish sky, “Why are you really here, Kon?”

The superhero didn’t reply for a while, then he takes a deep breath, “I know you love him too.”

Jason’s whole body tensed, instinctively grits his teeth and froze.

“So, I was wondering, if you’d like to see Tim? I’ll come with you, they’ll have to let you in.”

Jason game Kon an incredulous look, “Why?”

“What do you mean why? If I was not allowed to see Tim for months I would’ve gone crazy too.”

Jason glares at the super, “No! Why are you not angry? Or be awkward? Or anything? I’m in lo- like, I’m talking about _your_ soulmate!” he barked.

“And what’s wrong with that??” Kon barks back, “Do you expect me to be jealous? Grow up!”

“Wha-” Jason stutters, perplexed. His blood boils all the way to his head and he quickly stands up, “If all you want is to rub your oh-so-perfect unbreakable soulbond on my face, then just leave me alone!”

Jason quickly straightens his prosthetic leg and walks away.

Kon quickly flies in front of him before he can get to the door, “That’s not what I meant!”

“Get away from me!” Jason pushed, but Kon didn’t move an inch. So, Jason quickly walks around him.

“Listen to me, Jason!”

“I hear enough about you!”

Before Jason can get to the stairs, a pair of arms wrap around his chest tightly and he is lifted up to the air.

“AAH! Get me the fuck down!” Jason fights, pounding Kon’s chest and struggle away from his steel grip.

Then the air gets colder, Kon doesn’t stop flying them both up. Ascending rapidly to the sky, the land under his feet grows further, and Jason shivered.

He quickly grabs Kon’s shoulder when he begins to see the whole city below.

Jason glares at Kon, grabbing his crew neck collar, “The fuck are you-”

“I’m sorry! I used to do this when I fight with Tim and gets him to listen to me. This usually calms him?”

“CALMS HIM? He can get down even if he falls from space! But if I let go then I’m dead!”

“I won’t let that happen,” Kon sighed, his arms firmly wrap around Jason’s torso, and Jason steps his good foot on top of Kon’s while his prosthetic flails around. “But I guess this works too... look.”

Jason glares at Kon, which face is suddenly too close for comfort. They’re pressed body to body in mid-air, and Jason got nowhere to go besides down.

Finally, Jason sighed defeatedly, “What do you want, Kon?”

“You love him, don’t you?”

Jason’s lips twitched, “So what if I do?”

“Well... I uh, nothing really.” Kon shakes his head, “No, that’s not what I wanted to say... I’m just, you have to tell him that!”

Jason is now bewildered, “And why the fuck should I do that?”

“Why not?” Kon, the sweet sunshine and kinda stupid Kon, the jock but airhead type Kon, asked innocently, and Jason is livid.

“I know he’s gonna reject me! Why bother to say it just get hurt, and it’ll be awkward between us! I don’t want him to... to leave, or ignore me!”

“Tim won’t do that!”

“But it’ll still be awkward you insensitive a-hole! Things are hard enough seeing you all lovey-dovey with him I don’t...” Jason shuts his lips tight. His heart is beating like crazy, and it’s just so awkward to talk about shit like this, especially to Kon because... well, he’s Kon!

“I know Tim won’t leave me for you,” Kon confessed, and it angers Jason how he agrees with Kon, “But, I don’t think he’s gonna leave you for me either. He has one of those twinkly eyes whenever he talks about you”

Jason paused for a while and somehow remained eye contact with Kon, who’s now looked worried.

“Jason are you-”

“I know about the twinkly eyes, but he has them only at animes, and you of course, but mostly animes, you know?”

Kon nods, wholly agreeing.

“Tim... has issues, self-worth issues, it makes him work all the time, and it’s scary to look at.”

Now, it’s Jason that wholly agrees, “Tell me about it.”

“Even _I_ can see that you love him earnestly,” Kon brings it up again, but this time, Jason really felt Kon is just being sincere, “So, I thought, Tim will be happy if he knows, that someone _can_ choose to love him, not out of obligation, not just because a soul mark told them to.”

Jason blinks, “Is that what he says to you?”

“At first. It’s hard to get through to him, but eventually, I did.” Kon’s arms tighten around him, and his head drops down, almost touching Jason’s shoulder, “I love Tim, and then he says things like that... I just want him to be happy, you know? He’s too selfless at times. He’s giving too much for the city that will never give back to him.”

Kon lifts his head and gave a soft smile for Jason. His piercing blue eyes are earnest and kind that even Jason is caught off guard by the sudden fondness. Jason was right, Kon is much more handsome smiling. What a dangerous power, even Jason’s heart leaped when Kon sees him like that.

“The way he talks about you, and the way you look at him, even though you guys are not bound with a soul mark, I thought you guys will be good with each other. Now that I’ve met you, I _know_.”

Kon beams his smile, so bright that Jason winced a little. Jason balled his fists on Kon’s back.

“And you’re cool with that?” Jason asked.

“For Tim? Anything.”

Then, they just float in the air. Even though he knows they are practically embracing, but he’d like to not fall to death. And this isn’t so bad.

Jason feels less conscious now over Kon’s arms holding his waist tightly and his taut abs pressing against his stomach. The warmth and heartbeat felt through his jacket are growing comfortable.

Kon doesn’t seem like he minds. He kept his hands wrapped securely, and his eyes look up, while Jason’s looks down. Avoiding eye contact is the only space they get up there.

The city below is debatably pretty. Lights from far away mimicking the stars are always pretty, but the fog covers some parts of it, and some parts are questionably dark.

The light and the dark, Jason had always lived in the latter’s part. For most of his childhood, the world consists of that darkness, it was his whole life, but it felt so small from where is. Just a tiny dot among many others.

“I guess this _is_ calming,” Jason says.

“Yeah, it can be.”

Then they float a little longer. Jason never flew before, much less being carried by someone that can fly. He can understand why Tim would find this relaxing.

Sometimes, when all you see is the dark side when all that you’ve seen is the nasty and bad part for all your life, your perception of the world gets twisted. Because that’s all you know, that’s all you’ve seen. Yet, from up here, Jason’s ‘whole world’ is just a part of something bigger, something better.

It makes Jason feels something.

Feelings like hope.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You don’t have to do that, just so you know,” Jason reminded when Kon finally lowers him down and his feet finally touched the ground at the back of Mrs. Knope’s garage.

“I know, but please keep my number, if you change your mind about slipping you into the manor, just give me a call. Or if you just want to hang out,” Kon shrugged, “I’m down for doing anything.”

For a moment, Jason contemplates if Kon is doing this out of pity again, but one look at Kon’s face changed his mind. Kon is not doing this for Jason.

“Fine,” Jason finds himself agreeing.

Kon beams happily and spreads his arms, and Jason just complies without much protest. He’s not crushed under super strength this time, but he’s being held closely and preciously. Kon looks like he was on the verge of tears before Jason hugs him.

Kon is not doing this for Jason, he’s doing it for himself. Once again, Jason is reminded that he’s not the only one terribly affected by what happened to Tim.

Somehow, Jason gets it, maybe he’ll do it for himself too.

++++++++

Nightmares aren’t something new for Jason. People get nightmares, Jason is not an exception, and most of them are about Tim. Often caused by, well, Tim’s night time job. Recently it’s getting bad, Jason still can’t wash away the feeling of Tim’s limp body on his arms, and it keeps replaying how Joker broke his leg, then his leg will hurt as if also remembering. Lately, his dreams are always about one thing, that Jason is too late and the Joker killed Tim.

He’s used to that now, six months have passed since the incident. Whenever he woke up in his room and sees his leg, he knows that the Joker is dead, and Tim is alive.

Someone is knocking on his window, his room is on the second floor. And of course, it’s Kon in hoodies and jeans. Jason put on his leg and walk over to the window.

“You did not just fly here in civvies,” Jason commented and opened his window.

“I-uh, run here?” then he flies inside the room.

Jason gave him a look and Kon just smiled sheepishly.

“Can I help you?” Jason crosses his arms.

“I heard you were screaming.”

“You heard- I-...” Jason sighed and rolled his eyes, “I thought we agreed on the no spying thing.”

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it. After Tim, I just can’t. So I tuned to you sometimes.” Kon looks like a kicked puppy, with his red-rimmed eyes like he hasn’t stopped crying from when he last saw him.

Jason sighed defeatedly, “Go sit on the bed, I’m gonna make tea.”

“Thank you.”

Leaving the dejected Kon in his room, he goes downstairs and makes tea, while contemplating the turns of events in his life.

Heat is creeping up his neck and spreading on his face. What is with Kon and that kicked puppy look. Jason was so close to kicking him out and then the man just looks at him with downturned eyes and looks like he just cried.

Does Kon have nightmares too? He wanders. Kon is always all smiles and positive, but what he just sees is anything but.

“Hope you like sleepytime.” Jason walks into his room, to see Kon is the same exact position.

“That’s nice, thanks.”

They sit side by side, blowing their tea before sipping them slightly.

“You got nightmares too?” Jason started.

And Kon just shrugged, “Will be weird if I don’t, comes with the hero lifestyle, but lately... you know, Tim.”

“Ah, of course, I got it.” Jason takes small sips of his tea, leaning his back against the headboard, looking at Kon who also silently sipping tea, sitting the foot of his bed.

“Can I sleepover?” Kon said, and honestly, that’s too much awkward energy to sleep tightly.

“What wrong with your own place?”

“I just don’t want to be alone, tonight.”

Jason understands that one, but still...

“What about your friends?”

“They’re not you.”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “Look, I know I lost a leg, doesn’t mean I can’t stab a bitch in defense.”

“Please?” Kon looks at him with that kicked puppy look again, and Jason finally melts.

“Fine..”

Kon immediately beams, finally smiling after what it looks like a long time.

“I got no couch for you to crash on, so we’re sleeping on our sides.”

“Okay,” Kon enthusiastically agree.

Jason gave Kon a pair of his sleepwear, which fits surprisingly well. Both men are relatively big, and sleeping on a single bed obviously is too small for them, but no one is protesting. They’re both facing away from each other, trying to not have any physical contact, as much as they can anyway.

Jason felt conscious of the other body on his bed, the warmth, the silent sound of breathing and his presence. Yet somehow Jason doesn’t mind it. Still hard to sleep after he’s fully awake from the dream and Kon’s invasion.

“Is it okay if I ask about your nightmare?” Kon asked.

“What’s it to you?”

“I can’t sleep.”

Don’t know why Kon wanted to know, it’s not exactly a bedtime story material, but Jason can’t sleep too.

“It’s about Tim. Most of it is always about Tim, but I’m used to it, so don’t bother coming here again just because I screamed in the middle of the night.”

“You’re used to it?”

“I’ve had bad dreams about Tim ever since he became Robin, it gets worse because of the incident. You might be invincible, but Tim’s not. He’s human, and humans are fragile, so easy to kill, so easy to manipulate. I got... sometimes I got a panic attack whenever I see Tim on TV, it was amazing how he can beat enemies hundreds of times bigger than him, crimelords, aliens, and I’m amazed, I do... but he’s just Tim. He’s human.”

“I know how you feel Jason, I understand that the people that love us are worried sick about us putting ourselves in danger. But we’re not alone. We’re in teams, we got each other’s back. Tim has his family of vigilantes, who are all geniuses and master fighters.”

“Where were _they_ then when _I_ found him?” Jason hissed, but Kon doesn’t faze.

“Well, that’s why he got you, right? You’re human too, but you kill the Joker, and man was that badass, to be honest, I was starstruck when I hear the story of how you find him. You just literally stole Batman’s other identities and kill one of the most dangerous villains that ever lived.”

Jason chuckles dryly, feeling awkward over the compliment.

“It’s really poetic!” Kon suddenly sounds fired up, “To think that the Joker, a genocidal villain that kills helpless civilians for his own selfish games against his victim’s protector, who draw the lines at killing the villain that treats the very people he swore to protect as nothing but disposable pawns, is killed by none other than one of the ‘helpless’ civilians. The hero was never the protector, but it is the will and bravery of the victim.” His voice said is as if reciting a synopsis of a movie, intimately.

The civilian, Jason, lightly chuckles, “Calm down Shakespeare, it’s not that deep.”

“It is though if you think about it.”

Yes, it is, and who knew Kon has whatever mode that was. But Jason be damned if he admits he’s a hero. Jason is not a hero, he’s just protecting a person precious to him. And there’s no way he won't kill the Joker who can and will do that again to Tim. It’s just common sense, not a heroic act. He’s just not as good as Kon said he is.

“Whatever sunshine, Tim’s gonna kill me when he wakes up if he knew I kill someone in his name, he doesn’t like that shit.”

“Yeah, but if you didn’t I would’ve.”

“You would?” Jason asked, honestly surprised.

“Yeah... out of anger. If I had thought he killed Tim.” Jason felt that. “I don’t know what I’d do if Tim died,” Kon continued.

“Me too.”

Jason sighed and turns around, “Come here.”

Kon does so without another word and wraps his bulky arms around Jason’s torso, holding him close. Jason is lying on his back, with one arm around Kon’s shoulder as the super lay his head on his shoulder and the other is holding on Kon’s arm on top of his chest.

How did they end up like this, Jason doesn’t know, but it’s not so bad. His heart is racing now, for whatever reason. His decision was instinctive. Suddenly he just wanted to have Kon close to him.

Just like this.

To be held preciously, closely, like the arms around him will never let him go.

Ever since Kon held him when they fly, Jason hasn’t been able to forget how it felt to be held that way. And now, Kon is here again. If he’s being completely honest, he’s not that upset when Kon flies over today.

This feels nice, this feels more than nice.

“Your heart is beating fast Jason,” Kon stated.

“Stop spying on me!” Jason scolded, but his hand instinctively clenched.

Kon only giggles, held him even closer and face tucked into Jason’s neck, which sends another fuel to his already racing heart.

So, he breaths in and out, trying to calm himself, and he smells the same scent of baby powder as Tim from Kon’s hair.

“You smell like Tim,” Jason loosely stated.

“Baby powder, right?”

“Yeah, is it some fancy brand or something?”

“No, it’s Johnson’s baby powder, the blue one.”

“Huh, and you’re wearing the same one because?”

“Because... I miss him?”

“Wow, you’re really miserable huh?”

“Is it that obvious?” Kon nuzzles himself closer, squeezing even tighter, and thankfully, not too deathly tight.

“Kind of, but yeah, me too buddy.” Jason rubs Kon’s head, and close his eyes. Letting Kon’s heartbeat and the scent of baby powder lull him to sleep.

+++++++++

Kon texted him to meet after he’s done work today, and Jason finishes up early right away. When Jason texted back that he’s already done, Kon arrived in his room in an instant, bringing a gush of wind with him.

“What’s going on?”

Kon seems to be caught off guard seeing Jason restless.

“I just, wanted to see you?”

Jason blinks, then just deflated, “Then don’t sound like there’s an emergency!”

“How do I _sound_ over text?”

Kon got a point, Jason was making it up in his head, out of context, the text ‘Can I see you today?’ doesn’t sound so threatening now. What was he thinking when Kon texted him? Jason can’t remember now.

“Whatever,” Jason dismissed, “Why do you want to see me?”

“I just do, is that wrong?”

“It’s not wrong but it’s definitely weird.”

“Why is that?”

“Are we even friends to begin with?”

“I... I’d like to think so....”

His eyes narrowed at his friend(?). It’s not that Kon is a bad company, it’s... no, it’s just a surprise that’s all. At first, it was so weird to interact more with Kon than he should, but Kon is... refreshing. He’s good. Like a ray of sunshine and without a shadow.

“I guess we kind of is,” Jason found himself agreeing, who knows why.

Never did he ever hated Kon for being with Tim. Jealous, maybe, but never hate.

“What do you want to do?” Jason crosses his arms, “I gotta shower first though,” Then starting to peel off his clothes as soon as he steps into his bathroom.

“I don’t know honestly, I just don’t want to be alone.”

Sighing, Jason steps back outside the bathroom in his boxers, “Is that your real reason?”

The super stood up straight at seeing Jason, and he can feel his eyes darted at his stomach, his face, then his stomach again, then finally looks away flusteredly.

“You have friends and family, why are you looking for me?”

An unsure frown shows on his face, somehow even the frown still makes Kon looks boyishly beautiful, what a terrifyingly powerful being.

“Is having someone enjoying your company so unbelievable?” Kon counters with a question instead, something Jason picks up from Kon’s habits.

“I’m not exactly nice to you, sunshine,” Jason amusedly chuckled.

“Sunshine you said, I wish I can be that at all times,” then Kon looks down at his fingers that play with each other as if thinking of the past.

“No one is a ray of sunshine all the time, but you looked like you try anyway, and you know what? It’s appreciated, you got a killer smile.” Jason steps forward and gave Kon a pat on the cheek without thinking twice.

He thought he should’ve when he sees Kon’s face suddenly blooms in red.

“Why are you-”

“You’re half-naked! And too close!” Kon steps back, and met Jason’s table and knocks down a few books and pencils.

Jason cocked an eyebrow, he had heard some people are not used to nudity, but there’s no way Kon is _that_ pure.

But it’s none of his business anyway.

“Okay?” Jason goes back to the bathroom, and hear Kon sighed exasperatedly. “You better have an idea where you’re taking me after I’m done showering.”

“Okay!”

In the end, they go to the diner Jason and Tim frequent to. It makes Jason misses Tim even more, but for once, going back to the place he’s gone to with Tim doesn’t pinch anymore. Not with Kon being himself. Even though only a few weeks ago he was on the verge of tears and breaking down, look at him smile now. He smiles so brightly that it makes Jason’s stomach heats up.

Sunshine indeed.

That night, Jason found himself smiling and having fun for the first time in a while. And he doesn’t want it to end just yet.

“You’re going back home?” Jason casually slides the question, but whatever tone he said it with made Kon blushed from the neck up.

“I’m... Can I stay with you?”

Jason is not stupid, he knows why Kon is flustered and all blushed up. Still, he can’t believe his eyes. Something wicked inside him takes over instead.

His hand reaches out to Kon’s cheek, and tap it twice, “You can always stay with me,” Jason says with his low and inviting voice. Poor Kon combusts right away, and Jason cackles uncontrollably, holding his stomach as he goes.

“Yo-You’re playing with me!” Kon shouts, and Jason still can’t stop laughing.

“Don’t be too mad sunshine,” Jason wraps Kon on the shoulder after seeing the super sulks, “I’ll let you win at Splendor if you’d cheered up.”

“Don’t get cocky! I’ll make it that you’ll never buy the cards you want ever again!”

Jason laughed again. Despite the sulking, Kon does stay over. His clothes are left there in Jason’s cabinet and he doesn’t remember when he starts leaving them there. They play Splendor, and of course, Jason wins again. They watch an episode of a series they’ve been watching on Jason’s phone because none of them owns a tablet or a laptop.

While watching their guilty pleasures on a suffocatingly small screen and eating yesterday’s leftover take out, they lay on Jason’s single bed comfortably while making comments about the series they just watched. And Kon is _colorful_ in his description and it’s either left Jason disgusted or amused. Whichever it is, Jason is never bored with Kon.

As he looks at Kon in his bed, who’s shredding Derek Hale to pieces from being too broody, he wonders, when was it that being with Kon starting to feel this natural.

++++++++++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it forced? Maybe....
> 
> what do you think?


	6. Chapter 6

Jason is laying in bed watching a Bob Ross tutorial from his phone, trying to lull himself to sleep. He just woke up in the middle of the night again, and it’s hard to go back to sleep. Just when Bob Ross is adding another tree, there's a knock on his door.

“It’s unlocked,” Jason says, still staying in bed.

When he texted Kon to come over, he partially expected that the super will read it in the morning and says sorry that he just read it because he’s already asleep. But still, when he went down to make some tea, he unlocks the window so he won’t have to put on his prosthetic again after he’s laying in bed.

His expectation is low, but here Kon is, twenty minutes after Jason texted him. Jason still feels groggy, but he’s a bit more awake when he sees Kon there.

“Hi,” Kon greets, sitting on the edge of Jason’s bed while he crouches in a fetal position.

“So, you texted me to come because you wanted to hang out at 2 in the morning?” Kon asked with a playful tone.

“I asked on a whim, I thought you’re asleep.”

“I actually just woke up from an eight-hour sleep, my sleep cycle is all fucked up,” Kon chuckled, “So, I’m here, what do you want to do?”

“Can you stay over?” Jason asked, never thought Jason would be the one to ask, but he wanted Kon to stay over.

“Sure, I’ll change first.”

“Your clothes from before is still in the laundry, wear mine for now.”

“Okay,” Kon sings, walking pass Jason and change. Jason doesn’t look when Kon change, though it’s tempting. But he doesn’t like when people see him change, so he doesn’t look when Kon does so carelessly around his own room.

It’s weird. Being alone at night in the worst circumstances was something he used to, but then Tim came in, making him feel that having a best friend and not being alone is nice. When he left, Kon came in, making him feel to have someone physically there for him at times feel good too.

“These few months have been weird,” Jason stated, “It’s a habit for me to chat with Tim, or just meet once in a while. And then he suddenly never respond to me, and when I finally found him, he’s near death and in a coma. Then you came barging in. I never said it but...”

He knows a kyptonian is one of the strongest being alive on earth, but anything and anyone can be killed. Jason had thought Tim was invincible too.

So, before he’s too late to say it...

“I’m glad you’re here,” Jason whispered, burying half his face into his pillow.

Kon sits at the same spot on the side of his bed, already in Jason’s clothes.

“I’m glad you’re here too.” Kon put his palm on the other side of Jason’s torso, caging Jason’s laying body between Kon’s arm and hip. Even at this closeness, Jason had already gotten comfortably used to it.

“I know I came out as pretty annoying at first, trust me, I’m usually not like that,” Kon continued.

“Who says you’re not annoying now?” Jason smirked, and Kone playfully shoved him.

“Okay, I admit I’m a little pushy, _a little_.”

Jason rolled his eyes without wiping off his smirk, “You’re _very_ persistent, but you know, I don’t mind. You needed me,” Jason stated flatly.

Kon pressed his lips into a thin smile, “Yeah, I did. Everyone kept telling me he’ll be okay, it’ll be fine... I know that! But it’s still terrifying, and it felt like a part of me is in pain. It felt like no one understand how scared I am, except you, so I seek you out, and I admit I kind of barged into your space for my benefit at first,” Kon chuckled bitterly.

Jason huffed, looking up the ceiling thoughtfully, “I was in the same state too. I did everything I can, and I have no way to check up on him in any way. So, I wait and wait, and while I wait, I felt nothing, just numb. Not anymore though,” Jason shrugged, bumping his stump to Kon’s waist to make him see Jason, “I’m glad you barged in, I didn’t realize I needed you too.”

The bitter smile turned into the usual bright toothy smile. It felt like the smile beams literal light that it made Jason feels warm growing in his chest just by seeing it. Jason’s just glad Kon brightens up, a bitter and painful smile just looks off on this sunshine.

“How’s Tim?” Jason asked.

“His ribs are back together, so was his broken arm. He’s been stable for a month now, we just have to wait for him to wake up.”

Jason just nods, and both of them stay quiet and let silence fills in for them. A hand landed on top of his head. It’s warm and comfortable, and he lets Kon’s hand rubs his head.

Jason takes a deep breath and lets out a satisfied sigh, leaning a bit to the touch.

“Do you want to see him?” Kon offered.

“You know I can’t.”

“Well, you _can_, but...”

“Not without some risk.”

Kon sighed frustratedly, “Shouldn’t have to be this hard.”

“I’m not the one with a family with over-cautious tendencies,” Jason shrugs, “It’s okay, I got my info through you, I trust you.”

Kon smiles and rubs his thumb at the peak of Jason’s cheekbones before he retracts his hand from Jason’s face. Instinctively, Jason got up and grab Kon’s hand. A pair of sky blue eyes open wide and stare back at Jason’s intensely with shock. Jason immediately let go and back himself to the headboard.

He doesn’t say anything, pretending that doesn’t happen.

Kon doesn’t say anything, and root his hands between Jason’s hips and leans forward, not letting Jason pretend that doesn’t happen.

Jason tensed right away at the sudden decrease of space between them. For a moment in closeness, Jason’s heart skipped a beat or two at seeing Kon’s diamond-like blue eyes. It’s inhuman how pretty they are. They shine even though the room is dark and the only light source in the room is from the windows.

And the way Kon looks at him, Jason had ignored it, and now he can’t look away.

Warm breath ghosted against his lips. This has to be wrong, but Jason doesn’t even have the tiniest urge to move away.

His hands clenched into hard fists when Kon’s face move forward, expecting something he wanted but also don’t want. But Kon’s face passes his own and stops where his breath landed right on Jason’s ear. A pair of gentle hands landed on top of his, with fingers slipping inside his fists and gently encourage them to unclench.

“I really like you, Jason,” Kon confessed fondly against his ear, and prickly warmth radiates from there through his whole body.

Jason knows.

“Is that okay?”

Jason doesn’t know.

He just knows that this comfort is new and he likes it. That he also starts seeking for Kon, even though it’s not because he missed Tim, it’s because he missed... He missed Kon.

A pair of arms make ways from his waist and going up. Jason shudders at the touch and gasps.

“Kon!” Jason scolded, grabbing Kon’s shoulder, and push him enough to see his face. Jason can’t, because Kon ducks his face so low that all Jason can see is the top of his head.

Pissed, Jason grabbed Kon’s face with his two hands and lift it up. His lips puckered and cheeks mushed at the strength of Jason’s hand pressing them together. Kon looked like a terrifying pufferfish with teeth. Now he got Kon’s attention.

Wait, oh god, why did Jason do that? This is so awkward.

One thing Jason know if he’s in an awkward situation, and don’t know what to say, is just to say _anything_ that comes to mind and hope for the best.

“Look, this is awkward as hell,” yeah no shit Jason, “And it’s not like I hate it, but it’s weird. I feel like you’ll be cheating behind Tim, and I don’t want to do that to him. But it’s not like... I hate being with you. But I don’t want you to cheat, but I don’t mind you liking me, but I don’t want you to go behind Tim, but I don’t want you to stop but-” where is Jason going with this?

A pair of hands sandwiched his face, pressing his cheeks together so hard that his lips pout. Now they both look like stupid pufferfishes.

“Jayshun,” Kon called with his still mushed up face. That’s when Jason can’t take it and burst out a laugh, letting go Kon’s face to hold his chest. He laughed his nervousness of till there are tears in his eyes.

Shaking his head, and his nerves all relaxed, Jason sighed, “Why did you like me anyway?”

Kon massaged his face, smirking, “Are you kidding me? What is there not to like? You’re hot, you’re cool, you’re-”

“A Katy Perry song?”

“I’m being serious!” Kon chuckled and bumps Jason’s hip with his knee, “Oh, and you watched Teen Wolf with me, that was the time I _know_ I have to have you. Even Tim really hates it with a passion.”

“The bar is so low...”

“Hey! You don’t know how many friends I got that will not tolerate that with me, but you did! Teen Wolf is the highest bar!”

Jason doesn’t know if Kon meant that or not, but it’s both amusing how Kon still looks at him like he’s going to pounce him but at the same time, excited at his guilty pleasure series.

“I’m still shocked that you watch that, but it’s not that bad.”

“I know right! I mean, they’re teens! Of course, it gets cringey, it’s on-brand. Not the deepest stories on the market but it’s cool and...” Kon glances at Jason and bites his lips, “Sorry, I’m rambling again.”

“It’s alright, Tim rambles too, both of you are cute that way,” Jason commented loosely, and he didn’t realize the impact of his words until he sees Kon’s face totally red while biting off his wide smile. He’s failing at it.

It’s somewhat scary to be at the other end of Kon’s beautiful gaze. It certainly makes your heart race, but the intensity of it, Jason doesn’t know what to do when he’s the one making Kon flustered and stealing glances like a teenager in love.

“Will you think about it at least?” Kon says, smiling so confidently.

Jason wanted to wipe Kon’s smug smile off his handsome face, but then Jason will have to say no and he doesn’t really want to.

His hand landed on Kon’s cheek, watching how it blush at his touch and how his pupils dilated. The shy look on Kon is cute too, and he taps his cheek twice and lowers his hand to Kon’s chest, where his heart thumps fast and hard against his palms.

Scoffing to himself, Jason defeatedly smiled at Kon. Who was Jason trying to fool? He’s not going to fool himself, that’s for sure.

“You already know my answer,” Jason stated, “But none of us can be anything, not until Tim’s here.”

A bright and wide smile blooms on Kon’s face, and he charges forward and wraps Jason in a borderline suffocating hug. His hugs are getting tighter and tighter that Jason is used to this one. Kon lay his head on top of Jason’s chest, sighing in relief and rubs his face there.

“I really _really_ like you, Jason, like _really_ really.”

Jason lightly chuckled at Kon’s confession. His hand rubs the top of Kon’s head, and lean his head there as well. Taking a deep breath of the night air mixed with minty shampoo, he hides his smile in Kon’s hair, humming happily, and he lay his arms on Kon’s back.

When was it that he started to like being hugged like this? Like Kon will never let go of him even if the world ends. Jason feels safe, and he didn’t even remember when was the last time he felt that way. Now, he just doesn’t want to let go, and he knows Kon won't.

“You’re not so bad too, sunshine.”

+++++

There’s another knock on his window, which going to make this the second time in a week Kon came without texting him first. Jason groaned when he remembers that he locked the window this time. Now he has to put on his prosthetic leg again, just to walk to the window and let Kon in.

The window is knocked again.

“Coming!” Jason shouts, “I swear to god Kon can’t one of your superpowers be going through objects or so-”

Jason unlocks the window first before actually looking at it and stopped breathing. He steps back, almost stumbled to the ground in the process. He turns on the lights of his room, to make sure he’s not hallucinating.

Skinnier, paler, but most of all, hanging by the wall with a grappling hook-like nothing is wrong. He says nothing when Tim helps himself to open the window and jumps into the room. He smells like he just fresh out of the shower and just applied his usual Johnson’s baby powder. He had been in a coma for eight long months, and only last month Kon smuggled Jason into the Batcave to see him still closing his eyes.

Tim just stood there under Jason’s unbelieving eyes and fidgets.

“Hi?” Tim says, waving his hand in front of Jason.

“Tim?”

“Yeah?”

“This got to be a dream.”

Tim smiles, stepping closer, “It’s not Jay, you sav-”

Jason pulls Tim in a tight embrace when Tim calls him Jay. He takes in a deep breath of Tim’s scent while he holds onto Tim like his lifeline. His arms too afraid to squeeze Tim’s body too tightly, but Jason is not letting go, not any sooner.

When Tim chuckled and pat his back, Jason felt like he wanted to cry, he hasn’t heard Tim’s voice for so long.

“It’s alright big guy, I’m fine.”

“You weren’t! You weren’t for a long time. How can you say that? If I was late... If I...” Jason barked with tightly closed eyes, “I thought you were dead, I held you and you weren’t moving.... and I-”

Jason sobs. He tried his best not to think back to the dark tunnel and everything that happens there. Even though right now Tim is warm, alive and breathing in his arms, it’s hard to forget.

Tim puts his slender hand at the nape of his neck and rakes up into Jason’s hair, rubbing him affectionately that Jason melts.

“I’m sorry, I can’t say it won’t happen again. But... thank you, for being there, for saving me.” Tim whispered against the skin of his shoulder and Jason shivered. How long has it been since he really feels Tim, to feel him this close.

“I know I can’t stop you. That decision is not mine to make,” Jason tighten his hold, and bury his face even further in Tim’s shoulder, “I’ll just have to do it all over again.”

Tim just chuckles, “I hope not, you only got one leg left.”

“What is a limb compared to you, Timmy?” Jason amusedly huffed, but he meant it.

“I’m sorry,” Tim’s voice cracked, “That you have to face that, you shouldn’t ever have to-”

Jason holds on to Tim’s shoulder, but his eyes on the same level and Tim’s. And it’s like all his nervousness flew out the window when he sees Tim’s eyes full of regret and blame.

“I love you, Timmy,” Jason breathed, “Of course I did, and I’ll do it again. I’d rather die trying than live in a world without you in it.”

He felt like flying as he says it, like the weight on his heart finally left him free.

Then Tim just smiled, “I know.”

Jason had wanted to ask how, but then Tim grabbed his face. Before Jason can move, Tim’s lips are already on top of his. He inhaled instinctively, and a fragrance of baby powder rouse his senses. The hands-on top of his face is pleasantly warm and rough. Both his own hand finally finds a place to hold on Tim’s back. Through the thick hoodie Jason can feel how much Tim had lost weight, and he can feel the tip of his shoulder blades.

There’s a throb in his chest when his heart leaps excitedly. The lips pressed against his are slightly chapped, a bit taste like coffee, just like how he imagined. His heart is threatening to leap out of his ribcage every time, even more when Tim moves languidly to deepened the kiss, Jason felt like he’s about to trip from his prosthetic.

His hands don’t want to let go of the body he had long to hold. Even when Tim finally retracts, Jason’s arms stay. His lips glisten a little, and ever so beautiful under the moonlight between the trees.

Trees? That’s not right, there are no trees near his window. When Jason looks on the window behind Tim, he finds Kon flying and waving with a goofy smile, putting two thumbs up.

Tim looks behind him and Jason let go of Tim right away and cover his face in embarrassment.

“What’s behind me?”

“Your boyfriend!” Jason blurts out and peeks through his fingers. He thought Tim would feel a little regretful over it, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered at all.

“Why are you bothered at all?” Jason almost cried in utter confusion. All these times interacting with Kon and now Tim, they make him feel like Jason is the one weird.

Jason widens his eyes, “Is he the one who told you about me?”

Tim just shrugged, “Not directly, he just told me to see the footage from the CCTV camera.”

“What camera?”

“The one in the glass room, where I’m in.”

Jason cursed, there really is no privacy in that house.

“So? Is it about something I said? I didn’t say anything that-”

Tim shook his head, “It’s about the way you look at me, Jay.” Tim’s baby blue eyes pierced his soul, and for a moment, he’s frozen in place with his feelings bare to see by those eyes.

He wonders if he had been that transparent.

What does this mean? Tim knows, and he kissed him, so what now? Jason knows what _can_ happen. He had playfully danced with the idea at night and it left him sleepless. But can that be?

“Is it that easy?” Jason says instead.

“I don’t know, I’ve never been in this position before,” Tim blushed, at Jason, never in his lifetime he’d ever seen Tim make that expression _because_ of him.

“Alright, you guys are getting nowhere I’m coming in,” Kon is already bending over the window when he says that.

None of the two stops Kon from barging in and Jason just didn’t because his subconscious lets Kon in his room through the window almost weekly anyway.

“Look, Tim likes you too,” the words blurted out of Kon’s mouth makes him regret not stopping him.

“Hey!” Tim scolded.

“And _I_ like you too.”

“I-I know that...”Jason stammers.

“And I was wondering, maybe, if you’d like, we could be, yo-you know, um, be a-”

“No! I’ll say it,” Tim cuts his boyfriend who’s been getting redder in each word and breaks into a jittery mess. Jason has no idea what’s going on, it feels as if...

“Will you be our boyfriend!” Tim shouts, shocking the rest of two men there at the outburst.

Jason had simulated himself telling Tim how much he loves him, but never the other way around, never when his soulmate is present, never that the soulmate will push them together.

Confused and speechless, all Jason can say is “But... how... all of us?” and points at Kon, and himself and then Tim and stars to spaz.

Tim crosses his arms, looking calmer now, “Polyamory isn’t new, we’ll work it out.”

“Yeah, and we all like each other, though not at the same intensity for each people, but I think we can work it out,” Kon agreed.

“We can all go on a date together, but if not, I can make time with both of you separately.”

“I’m cool with that. When you don’t have time for us, I’ll be with Jason.”

“That works out too.”

Seeing the two soulmates converse and agreeing, talking about how to fit Jason in, it made him see that this pair is really are soulmates. It’s amazing how they can agree on something on the spot and having the same light in their eyes, and also the same love interest.

After they’re done, they look at Jason simultaneously, who tensed under their eyes.

“What do you think Jason?” Tim asked first.

“You don’t have to go out with me, you can be Tim’s boyfriend’s first, no rush.” Kon then smirked, “But I really want you, and I’ll look forward to pursuing you.”

“Ooooh, look out Jay, this guy is persistent,” Tim added, smirking at his boyfriend.

The gesture and words just made Jason’s brain short circuit.

There are a lot more things to process about their confession there, and it takes Jason only a second to understand. Gradually, heat warmed his entire face, shivers run down his spine when he sees the pair of soulmates in front of him, both giving him heart eyes.

It takes his breath how filled to the brim his heart is. Just being at the end of their loving stare, his leg feels like jelly already, and his prosthetic feels shaky from being the only dependable support.

“Yo-You know I like you too Kon, you already know that, no need to pursue something you already have.” Kon smiled from ear to ear and clench his chest. Jason can almost see hearts beaming from Kon’s form and squeal, and look at Tim instead of dealing with that.

“And Tim?” Jason takes a deep breath, he knows he already said it, but he’s still nervous, “I... I’ve been in love with you ever since I met you.”

Kon squeals even louder, making Jason blush even redder, while Tim’s face melts into a tearful smile. They are all flustered, blushing, and worked up like a bunch of lovesick fools.

“I love you too, Jason.” Tim finally said, the words said in his voice, Jason thought he can only hear in his dreams.

Then Kon cleared his voice, fanning himself, blowing his breath, “Okay, this is great! So, how do you want to do this?” Kon asked.

Jason looked at Kon, who has a relaxed smile on his face, and Tim, clearly waiting for Jason to say his share of thoughts. They all look calm, but only on face value. Both of them are clenching their fists, Kon is nibbling the inside of his lips and Tim is glancing at the ground.

They’re nervous too, just like Jason.

Seeing them both stealing glances at him, being nervous while waiting for the final words from him. Oddly, Jason feels treasured this way, feeling like even though their feelings are strong, they value his opinions the most.

Jason had thought Tim won't ever choose him over his soulmate, but he didn’t. He thought Kon would’ve told him off if he gets close to his soulmate, but he didn’t. He never thought that both of them will fall for him, but they just did.

Something about that just makes him float on air, just like how he first fell in love with Tim, and how Kon held him when they’re flying.

It’s hard, but Jason tried to hide the gleeful smile from appearing on his face, just to see how cute both of them nervously waits, as if there’s any other conclusion at all.

“O-Or you can take a day or two to-”

“Sure,” Jason cuts Kon’s stammering, “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

The soulmates look at each other, then at Jason again, “Which one?” says Kon.

Jason rolled his eyes, now letting himself smile, “Both of you.”

They look at each other again, mirroring the same ecstatic smile and cheered, “Yay!”

Jason did not expect that reaction, did not expect they’ll clap each other’s hand, and did not expect them to wrap him in a burrito hug, but it happens anyway.

So, Jason is coming into terms that he’ll get into a double hug like this more in the future.

Kon hugs him from the back, wrapping his arms around his stomach and Tim’s, pressing them both together and rest his head on the crook of Jason’s neck. Tim has his arms around Kon’s shoulder right passed Jason’s and his head is snugly buried under Jason’s jaw. Jason’s arms are right on top of Kon’s, right on Tim’s back.

“We love you, Jason,” Kon confessed, lips against his shoulder and it sends shivers down his spine and eyes brims with tears.

He’s so filled with love that he feels like he’s going to explode. Tim laughed, and it strums Jason’s heartstrings to hear it. Kon feels warm pressed against his back, his arms wrap him securely.

Jason hugs Tim back, ever so tigthly, and shrinking himself even deeper into Kon’s arms.

Closing his eyes, he smiled against Tim’s hair and kisses Kon’s cheek.

“I love you both too.”

+++++++++

It’s been less than 12 hours since Tim woke up, and thankfully, Kon is the first one who noticed. Most of his family are on a mission both on and off world, and Kon hears his voice when he’s in school, and fly right over.

After Tim gathered his thoughts, Kon told him what happened, and after that, he told him to see the recording from his room’s CCTV.

Tim was skeptical when it was what his soulmate told him to do after waking up from an 8-month coma. When he watches the recording, he seems more contemplating than shocked, but melt into a weak smile.

The footage has been paused for a long time now, and one face in particular is zoomed in. It’s the footage of when Jason first visit the manor, two weeks after the incident. Jason limped his way here and demanded to be let in to see Tim.

Jason’s face is clear thanks to the quality of the footage.

“How can I say no to that face,” Tim smiled amusingly, endearingly looking at Jason’s face in the footage who has tears in his eyes and a smile so painful while carefully holding onto Tim’s hand.

“You shouldn’t,” Kon commented.

“You got close to him?” Tim asked, leaning on the wall right beside his boyfriend.

“I do...” Kon bites his grin back, but he can’t help it, “He’s so great, Tim, but he didn’t like me at first. Turns out he was jealous. But when I got through him, he’s...” Kon takes a deep breath and sighed dreamily, “He’s just so kind and genuine under all that scary bad boy face. It’s cheesy but I think I love him on first sight.”

Tim just chuckled and nods, “I know what you mean, he’s really sweet when you got on his good side, and he’s so cute when he laughs.”

“I made him laugh the other day, and I don’t want it to end.”

“Already? How?” Tim asked, getting excited.

“Teen Wolf bitch, I told you it’s interesting!”

Tim gapes, blinking owlishly then shakes his head, “That has to be out of pity.”

“Hey! He said it’s not that bad.”

Tim giggled, “I’m just surprised he watched Teen Wolf with you. Jason is a Breaking Bad and American Horror Story kinda guy.”

“Oh, we watched that too. We hang out in his room and I sleepover at his place a lot. He never rejects my hugs, and he fits right in my arm, and it’s so adorable and god I wanted to cry,” Kon starts to ramble.

“Hold the waterworks Connie, or you’re gonna get them to me,” Tim pressed his eyes, laughing.

“But he was also a badass! I did not makeup anything I said to you, he literally, went in as Matches Malone guy, convincing enough to fool the Joker!”

“And then he broke my ribs,” Tim playfully added, “And saved my life,” Tim said breathlessly.

“I know he’s good. At first, I wanted him to be Robin because I know he’ll do well. But he told me about getting off trouble, not wanting to go down his parents' path, so, I didn’t ask him. Then he went on doing all that to save me.”

Kon gave him an understanding smile and just nods. Tim slid his hand into Kon’s and hold it tight.

“I love him too, Kon.”

“Mhm, I’ve known for a while.”

“Why did you never say anything to me?”

“Because I wasn’t sure at first. You’re hiding him from me, and you’re good at hiding stuff.” Kon chuckled, “I thought you’re still figuring things out, the way you talk about him, you’re looking so happy but then you’re dejected, and I don’t know the guy. I’ve asked you to introduce us, you brushed it off. I thought it’s not my place to push you to pursue someone you don’t want me to know, let alone someone I never met, so I let you be.”

Tim pressed his lips, “There’s a reason why I hold back.”

“And that is?”

Tim takes in a deep breath and sighed. He stands up and faces Kon, holding both of his hand and meet eye to eye.

“Jason has a soul mark.”

Kon stopped breathing, his blue eyes blown wide.

“I... What? I, whoa...” Kon takes a few second breathing and gathering his thoughts, “How did you know?”

“I glanced on it, it was when we’re kids. It’s on his lower hips, we were playing around and I got a glimpse. When he saw my soul mark, I asked if he has one, and says he didn’t. I thought he just doesn’t want me to talk about it.”

“Can you remember what shape it is.”

“I think I know, but I don’t think it’s my place to tell since he’s hiding it.”

Kon nods understandingly and says nothing else. They stay there for what it felt like a minute. Then Kon’s sigh broke the silence.

“Well, it’s not going to change anything for me,” Kon said, Tim looks up, meeting Kon’s cheerful smile, “I really like him, Timbers, I’m still going to pursue him. About his soul mark, he can tell us when he wants to. As long as he’s interested in me, his soul mark is no business of mine.”

Tim chuckled bitterly, “That is so you.”

“What about you though? You love him, and you’ve seen how he felt about you.”

“Yeah, I just saw it.”

“He did even though he has a soul mark, Tim he’s in love with you.”

“I-I know.” Tim’s voice cracked, he ducked his head to hide his face. But Kon knows Tim is crying without seeing him, and tuck his head to his shoulder and hugs him tightly.

“He has a soul mark, Kon. He doesn’t have to choose me. I thought it was pity. None of us are good in making friends,” Tim’s voice broke when he laughed at himself, “I got you now, I’m happy, I really am. Why is he still so... I don’t know why he chooses me when he doesn’t have to.”

“Hey, we talked about that,” Kon grabbed Tim’s face and tilts it up to meet his eyes. Tim’s pale face had reds around his eyes now, and Kon wipes Tim’s tears with his thumbs before they can roll down his flustered cheeks.

“I don’t know why Jason hides his soul mark from us, but you can’t dismiss him. His feelings for you are genuine. You guys feel the same towards each other, and I like him too. I really think he’ll be good for us. I’ll be there for you if you need me to.”

Tim bites his lips, contemplating, then nods, “Thank you.” Tim stands on his toes to meet Kon’s lips with his. Their lips move languidly, chaste and deep. Tim circled his arms on Kon’s shoulder, holding on tightly as Kon hold onto his hips.

They keep their faces close, temples pressed again each other and Tim sighed happily when they broke their kiss.

“We’ll have him, Tim,” Kon breathed, tightening his hold on his lovely soulmate, “It’ll go well.”

Tim chuckled, reassured by Kon’s words. At times like this, whenever Kon’s able to ground him again, that he knows Kon is perfect for him.

“I love you,” Tim kisses the corner of Kon’s smiling lips.

“I love you too, Timbers.”


	7. Epilog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 100% self-indulgent at my part.... I'm really inspired by all the comments and encouraged by how some of you really likes it, and I'm just so happy my fic leave an impact.  
Btw I always plan the plot of this chapter as the way it is, and I didn't include the information on this chapter on the main chapters because it'll get lengthy, and doesn't fit the focus on the Tim/Kon/Jay.   
I also didn't know how to put it on the story how to tell this information yet at first.  
but here it is! As Bonus chapter!
> 
> Enjoy?

He had trained himself to look above his waist whenever he looked at a mirror, even that, he seldom does. His stump had helped as a distraction. But there’s only so much looking away and distractions can do. Jason is used to it taunting him, used to it being his dread.

But he has made peace with it, and what did that, is two years of a loving relationship with Kon and Tim.

“Baby, what you doing there too long?”

Jason chuckled, rolling his eyes and finally steps out of the bathroom with his boxers. He’s grabbed by the waist as soon as his feet touch his room and he’s lifted up to the air. His back hits his bed and Kon landed a deep kiss on his lips. Longing and languidly, Kon follows the lines of his arched back with his hands.

His kisses travel down to his neck, shoulders, then finally on his chest, but Kon never goes lower.

The window opens and closed. In two wide steps, Tim crawls to his bed too.

“You guys starting without me,” Tim says, giving Kon a kiss.

“Not my fault you’re late,” Kon replied.

Tim rolled his eyes and finally leans down to Jason, also giving him a kiss, “Hmm I missed you.” Tim hums and goes back to kissing him and finally cheeks and the back of his ear.

“And both of you should stop coming through the window, Mrs. Knope knows about you, so go knock on the door like regular boyfriends.”

“Maybe when it’s not three am baby,” Kon reminded, rubbing his thighs.

Then he realized it’s really is 3 am.

“Your night hours are rubbing on me.”

“No, it’s not, tomorrow’s Sunday, you usually up this late on weekend nights,” Kon says, caging Jason between his arms.

“And because I haven’t seen you guys together in a month,” Jason sighed.

“He misses us, Kon, that’s all there is to it,” Tim lies down and put his head on Jason’s shoulder, taking his arms as a body pillow.

Jason hugged him too and take a deep breath. His heart is already pounding so loudly in his ribcage.

“Jason what’s-”

“Yes I know you can hear my heartbeat Kon, give me a second.”

Kon smiles, and Tim stays, and they wait until Jason finally rips the bandaid.

“Alright,” Jason taps Tim’s shoulder and Kon’s arm to release him from the bed. He straightens his prosthetic leg and stands, looking at his two boyfriends in his bed, trying to hide their curiosity with patience.

“I’m ready.” Jason finally says.

“Um,” Tim looks at Kon, who’s looking back at him with the same confusion, “Ready for what?”

“C’ mon, don’t let me say it,” Jason groaned.

“We really don’t know what you’re talking about, Jason,” Kon says.

“You know... the thing... third base? Se-sex.”

“Wait, what??” Kon says incredulously.

“Wh-what? You don’t want t-”

“We want to!” Kon shoots up, so does Tim, who’s eyes suddenly turns excited.

“We would love to,” Tim puts his hand on Kon’s, “But you don’t have to do this for us.”

Jason takes another deep breath and sighs, holding onto his own clammy hands.

“Well, a lot of things went through my mind, and even if I don’t have the urge to do it, I really want to try it.”

“We’ll be okay if you never want to,” Kon comforts.

Now, Jason is uncomfortable.

“Whatever it is you wanted to tell us, doesn’t have to lead you wanting to have sex,” Tim added.

Jason assesses their words, why they’re so worked up over it even though it’s clear that they wanted him too. Then it finally hits him.

“You think I’m ace?”

“You’re... not?” Tim says, carefully.

“We’ve been together for two years, and we just... assume?” Kon adds.

“No, I don’t think so at least. I like it when you touch me, and I wanted to try...” Jason gulped, “More.”

“Oh, alright?” Kon says, now somehow nervous, “What got you so worked up then?”

“Because I want you guys to take a good look at my soul mark first.”

Because Jason knows they know he has it, they’re just not mentioning it to him. For two years. For Jason sake. The amount of love they gave for him is just so abundant, it makes him smile and whistling through the day. They deserve to know at least. It’s better to be speechless now and not in the middle of getting it on.

“We’re okay with not knowing who it is Jay,” Tim says.

“I know Timmy. You guys got a glance on it and being careful around it, and I appreciate it... but I want you to be shocked now.”

“Shocked? It’s just--”

Before Kon can complete his sentence, Jason pulls the band of the boxers down slightly, enough to see the tiny, thumb-sized mark that’s been a sore eye for him.

As predicted, they were quick to shut their mouths. Though it’s silent, Jason can hear gears turning in their heads.

“Obvious right?” Jason breaks the silence.

“I-It can mean anything,” Kon says.

“Or anyone?” Tim, the usually logical one in the group, seems to be in denial.

“You guys, you know who it is... And it’s not usually this color,” Jason confessed, “I thought it’ll be gone the moment I put two bullets in his head, but it didn’t, it only lose color.”

“Wait, does that mean-”

“Possibly, Joker is alive, and I have two soulmates.”

Tim grabs his hair, and Kon rubs his jaw. Jason knows they’re going to react this way. They’re heroes after all, they’re going into work mode for a few seconds.

“That’s... fucked up,” Kon mused.

“That’s why you don’t want the mask,” Tim says in realization, “And you saving me must be--”

“It’s not your fault Tim, don't you dare go there,” Jason sits back on the bed, between his boyfriends. They both immediately takes place in each of his shoulders to lean their heads on, and Jason rubs their heads.

“I hated my soulmates, but one of them, Joker, is literal scum... I hated that this mark is my destiny, to be with someone evil. I don’t want that, so I never ever want to have anything to do with... with all of the-”

“I understand, Jay,” Tim says first, kissing his shoulder blades.

“Thank you for telling us,” Kon says after, holding onto his arm and kisses his neck.

“I’ll never pick _any_ of them over you guys... I’m telling now because he’s back and you needed to know-”

“It’s alright Jay,” Tim whispered against his ears and bites it. “We’ll take care of that.” Tim’s low voice sent his skin crawling in warmth.

“We choose you, baby. Whether or not you choose them, we still love you.” Kon moves to his front, kissing his chest, down to the abdomen and Jason looks away when he sees Kon getting lower.

They’re moving fast, maybe a bit too fast.

“It’s uh... It’s my first time.” Jason takes that moment to confess. Two people as his first time is a bit... he doesn’t know how that’ll go.

“Don’t worry, we rehearse this,” Tim grabbed his face and kisses him.

“Wait... rehearse??” Jason says between kisses.

“Sometimes when it’s just me and Tim, we imagined where you’ll be between us, what we’ll do to you... We hold back, but we still want you so badly, baby.” Kon’s voice hoarse and husky calling him baby, and chills run down his spine.

They’ve been imagining to do this with him for two years and never say a thing? Jason doesn’t know whether to melt or literally go hard.

Either way, Jason had his way.

+++++

“He’s being a difficult little bitch! I want to pop his little head like a zit and make his brain burst. He talked all high and mighty but at the same time he’s just an insolent, hard-headed, stubborn and pissy little brat!”

“Ohh, Timmy that’s.... graphic, he did something bad though so I didn’t blame you,” Jason laughed at his phone, with one arm around himself. He puts on his leather jacket but Gotham’s night somehow still got through that.

“I don’t know what his problem is.”

“Daddy issues, that’s what. Can’t say I understand though, but being juggled between parents oughta make you feel fucked up. Especially Bruce being Bruce.”

“Yeah, and he’s taking it out on me,” Tim sighed and rustled.

“Well, if he finally snaps your nerve, I know some spots where you’ll never find the body.”

Then Tim finally laughed. “What you’re doing tonight Jay?”

“I’m in front of the garage right now, waiting on Roy. We’re gonna pick Kory up and go bar hopping.”

“Aww, look at you making friends and having fun!”

“They’re...” Jason stopped, thinking of it again, they _are_ his friends. Roy had been only an annoying newcomer at first, and Kory is just a stripper at a bar Roy knows. Since then, they’ve been hanging out a lot. They’re cool, fun, sometimes out of control, meaning they’re never boring.

“Yeah, somehow they’re my friends.”

“You’re a delight, Jay, who wouldn’t want to be friends with you.”

Jason scoffed, “Really.”

“Maybe they like your sarcastic jokes and the occasional silent treatment, or, because you’re really really hot and they wanna get in your pants.”

“Sure, Timmy, everyone in town wants to get in my pants,” Jason rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“They’ll be crazy if they don’t want to, maybe juuust a little... Hey, I’m actually calling for another thing.”

“Oh, so Damian challenging you are not the ‘emergency I’m about to kill somebody’?”

“I’m legit pissed off by him, but this is kind of the reason for his insecurities.”

“And... what is it? Don’t leave me guessing.”

“Bruce is getting married to Selina Kyle, and Damian’s scared he’s not gonna be the ring bearer. You know her?”

“I wish I don’t. She’s Kory’s idol, I’ve been hearing about her and other supermodels ever since I befriend her.”

“Nice, because you’re invited.”

Jason paused for a few seconds, rubbing his side who suddenly got chills.

“Me? Hanging out with your night business friends giving me stank eye? Nah, Tim. Sorry but no.”

“There’s going to be two celebrations. The one as Bruce and Selina and the other one is for their aliases. You’re going to the first one.”

“Ugh, it’s gonna be fancy isn’t it?”

“As fancy and the name Bruce motherfucking Wayne.” Tim marvels mockingly, “Yeah, hella fancy. Like the talk of the month, red carpet filled with paparazzi's, type of fancy.”

Jason chuckled and sighed, “Tim, I’m not the gala type, why would he even invites me?”

“Actually, the whole family invites you... You’ve been a family too for us, and you’ve helped us even when you don’t need to. If you hadn’t helped us with Black Mask half the city would’ve been in ruin, and many more.”

“I’m just... giving you guys information under the table.”

“You’re risking your life even when you don’t have to. I tried to stop you, but you helped them anyway.”

“Just something that felt right to do.”

“Either way, you helped us. And you warmed up to them. They really want you to come, especially Alfred.”

His one good foot is tapping against the concrete below, biting his lips and thinking deeply.

“Are you going to be my date and all?”

“Depends, there’s gonna be photographers there. If you’re taken with me then--”

“Don’t need to explain that, the answer is no. I’m not gonna see my face all over the website.”

Tim chuckles, “Don’t worry, Kon will come too, he’s gonna be your date.”

“That’s nice... fine, I’ll go.”

“Nice, come by the manor tomorrow, we’re going to get our suits personally tailored. And since Bruce invites my boyfriends, he’s making a custom one for Kon and you too.”

“That bougie huh?”

“You have no idea.”

“Hey JJ, I’m ready,” Roy pops out beside him.

“Took you long enough.”

“I’m meeting my baby girl, of course I’m gonna get dolled up!”

Jason chuckled, “Hey, Roy is here, I gotta go.”

“Alright, have fun Jay, tomorrow okay?”

“Yup, tomorrow, bye.” And Jason hangs up.

“Yo, that’s your boyfriend? Girlfriend?” Roy bumps shoulders with him, a loopy grin on his face and red hair combed back.

“Boyfriend.”

“You gonna introduce me to him or what?”

Jason looks at Roy, then remembers Kory, who’s only a regular person, just like him. Then, Tim and Kon, he can’t even believe it gets to this point where he had to hide his boyfriends from the world, from people, for the sake of safety.

“Maybe, can’t promise you anything though Roy.”

“What? He’s famous?”

“More like dangerous if you know him.”

“Oh shit, it’s not a life-threatening situation is it?”

Jason thinks again. He never wanted to have anything to do with vigilante life, but he dated two people from it, but...

“I really love them, so it’s worth it.”

+++++++

Jason’s body is stiff as a plank for not moving for hours on a pedestal while the tailor is poking needles on his suit. He kept moving the soreness on his shoulder blades and move them around before he spoons himself food.

“Would you like to stay over, Jason?” Alfred offered while pouring orange juice for him.

“No thanks, Alf. Tim’s not coming today.” he bites into his lasagna and peas. The dining room is so big. The table has twenty chairs but the only one there is Jason and Alfred.

“Where is everybody?”

“I have asked myself the same thing. This family is big, even master Bruce had lost count sometimes, but they’re all either busy risking their lives or have moved out, or even worse, having a feud with each other and staying over at their bases and safe houses, rather than come home and sort everything out.” Alfred says exasperatedly, yet still calmly.

Jason blinks, it’s the first time he hears Alfred show any extreme emotions, though it’s not that much, still...

“Um, what about Cass and Duke?”

“They’re out of town, been out of town for a week now.”

Jason nods, and keep eating his late midnight snack. He had wanted to go home earlier, but Alfred holds him back for food, and Jason is not to turn down free food, especially Alfred’s food. Though he sensed that Alfred is just lonely, but then who wouldn’t? In a place this big and with no one around.

“You can just tell me if you wanted company Alf,” Jason teased, but the old man turned around with a happy look.

“That would be lovely actually.”

Jason smiled, if only he knows Alfred wanted to be friends with him, he would’ve said that sooner. “You have my number if you want to hang out, call me anytime.”

“Then please stay over, the manor is empty until sunrise, or maybe days.”

“Sure, anything for you Alf,” just by simple words, the old butler smiles from ear to ear.

“And of course, help me with breakfast before you go to work.”

“You got it.”

Jason puts his plate on the sink and washes it.

He chatted with Alfred for a while until the old man starting to nod off. Alfred called it a night at 11 PM, but Jason sticks around the library. Looking around the ancient collection.

Everything about this Manor is a lot to process. Jason still can’t get used to how each room is as big as his house and a bathroom as big as his room. Theater room, playroom, gymnasium, and all that is nice, but the library is the one that truly catches his eyes. Each book contains information, a story. A person piece of mind, their story, or a work of a team put into pages tightly bound together into this one square, and this library got a lot of them. Yet the dust around here seems like no one has been between the bookcases.

Jason takes a book to read it in one of the guest room dedicated to him in this Manor.

He hears steps approaching him, and he lets whoever it is, see him between the cases.

“Heard you’re staying over?”

“Uh huh, Alfred asked me to. You guys better be home more, this place is too quiet. Alfred is getting lonely.”

“Is that so?” He leans on the bookcase across from him.

“I know so. Whatever beef you got with each other, I wish you all know how lucky you guys to have a family.”

“I do, at least.”

“Doesn’t hurt to tell them that once in a while, Bruce,” Jason playfully says.

The aged man smiles fondly, and the wrinkles forms on his face charmingly in his favor. For that moment, he sees no trace of Batman on him. Just Bruce, a father, human. He had heard from Tim and Kon and he had experienced it himself, how tight assed Batman is. But now, in his sweat pants and comfortably worn t-shirt, Bruce looks like any other guy.

“Congratulation on your wedding.”

“Thank you.”

Jason looks down to his book, and then to Bruce, who have a thousand thoughts running in his mind and not wanting to say it, staying too in character.

“Talk. It’s time, don’t you think?” Jason says, and Bruce replies with nothing, “fine, _I’ll_ ask.”

But boy, he doesn’t know where to start. Jason pushes the bookcase with his back, now standing in front of the man of the house. There’s a lot of things he wanted to talk about and the same amount of questions too. So, Jason goes with the one he’d been dying to know since two years ago.

He crosses his arms, looking sharply at Bruce right in the eye, “Did you resent me when I kill our soulmate?”

“Not because he’s our soulmate,” Bruce replies immediately, “But resent is not accurate, disappointed, maybe.”

Jason scoffs, “Means you’re glad he’s back huh?”

“Whatever you’re implying, it’s not true.” Bruce hissed, “It raises complication, but it’s not like I never dealt with him before.”

Jason presses his lips and taking a deep breath. He wanted nothing more than just eradicate that psychotic clown. He’s glad Joker doesn’t know he’s here, even better when Joker died in his hands, while he and Bruce have a silent understanding that they don’t want each other. He had seen the games between Batman and Joker, how tedious and maddening, and Jason doesn’t want any of that in his life.

“I never wanted to do anything with both of you,” Jason holds onto his arms, “I don’t know what sick games both of you are playing and why you like it but I don’t want it.”

“I don’t _like_ it, Jason,” Bruce disappears, and Batman is starting to show, maybe that’s Jason’s fault.

“Don’t you? You seem to like keeping him alive,” Jason sneers.

“I don’t kill, no matter who it is.”

“Well, he’s not just anyone!” Jason finally screams, taking the other man off guard, “He’s sick! He’s playing with us and our family because we’re his soulmate.”

“You’re just scared because he knows you exist,” Bruce stated.

“Of course I’m scared, are you fucking shitting me! Look what he did to you _because_ you’re his soulmate! And the things he did to Tim that’s only an adoptive member of your family. If he knew I’m his soulmate too, everything I fight for would be ruined! I’m finally happy Bruce! I get to choose my lovers, my life, my happiness.

I worked hard to not get into whatever that goes on under the surface, to not get tangled up with you and him. I never regretted killing our soulmate for Tim, and you better believe I’ll kill him again if he comes for me and my boyfriends. Then what would you do if that happens?” Jason challenged.

“You think you can?” Bruce says amusedly, “The first one is because you’re lucky he doesn’t know you existed. This time, he might know you’re coming.”

Jason dug his nails into his biceps, he felt the green bat on his hip burns, taunting.

“Either me or him. Do you think he’s the most dangerous thing I’ve come across in my life? No.” Yes he is. “And two years ago won’t be the last time I risk my life protecting them.” And Jason meant that with all his heart.

He risked his life day to day when he was only a teenager. Now he found new purposes, there’s no fear in losing his life to fight what he has.

Jason paced back and forth, frustratingly clenching his hair, “How is he even back alive! His color was gone from our mark, you see it too, don’t you?”

“I did... I’m the one that burned his body. The color was gone the moment his body turned to ashes.”

Jason shook his head, still folding his arms tightly, “He’s going to haunt us for the rest of our lives, isn’t he?” he sounds defeated.

“Not if you don’t let him... I’ve dealt with him, face to face, for years. I’ve learned to not let him takes over my life, and just treat him like everyday villain I take on. You can do it too.”

“What? Pretending he doesn’t exist until he finally comes around and kill me?”

“Pretending he doesn’t exist and not letting him haunt you are two different things.”

“What is it with you and Joker! I don’t want him in my life! And you seem to enjoy whatever it is you have with Joker tha-”

“He’s a villain, nothing else, his games are one-sided. How dare you imply I have any interest in him,” Bruce quickly dismissed, angry. Seems like Jason hit a nerve.

“I hated him too Jason. I hated that I’m fated to play in his sick fantasies, with the cost of my family’s safety, their lives. Why fate would pair me with someone that ruins me, that cause me pain, threaten everyone precious to me? And to top it all off, to pair me with someone painfully way younger than me.” Bruce waved to Jason, “Am I deemed to be undeserving of... of...” then Bruce looks away.

All of Jason’s anger goes down the drain. Every other spiteful word died at his lips, somehow nothing else matters. Jason is wrong. Not the first time. It’s hard to see what this Gotham knight is thinking, and all it takes to know for Jason is to hit a nerve.

Jason finally understands.

“Undeserving of happiness? And love? I’ve thought about that too. That karma is getting back at us for our sins? You name it, I’ve gone through all the excuses in the book to wallow and curse at my fate. But being with Tim and Kon taught me that’s not true. Our happiness isn’t determined by some splotches on our skin, we do, at least... that’s what I believe in.”

Jason smiles to himself, and remember who took him out of that negative space, Tim. The thought that he wanted Tim instead, that he’ll love him even though Tim is fated with another. Thinking that he’ll never be good enough for Tim. His own soulmate is the lowest most horrible villain, then what that makes Jason?

Then Kon came along, and he’s funny, beautiful and wonderful and Tim is so in love with him. Jason felt left behind like he’s supposed to. When he meets Kon, Jason admitted defeat, that Tim’s soul mark leads him to someone good, unlike Jason’s.

But then, they both choose him. They don’t have to, they’ll be okay on their own since they’re soulmates, but they needed him. Jason is needed by someone good, and Jason chooses them. Just being able to choose them feels like taking the world by the balls and rules it.

He’s been cloud nine ever since.

“You deserve that love and happiness, don’t let that soul mark tells you otherwise,” Jason concluded.

Bruce looks down, a sheepish grin grace his face. It was more creepy than good. Jason can tell, not a lot of people says that to him.

“I get it, why you don’t want this life.” Bruce started, “Sometimes it does get too much.”

Jason looks at Bruce right in the eyeballs, “Are you happy, Bruce?”

The older man smiled, and Jason had never seen him have this expression before, “I am.”

Jason sighed in relieve. Both of them are happy with what they choose for themselves. Something about that is so freeing, just the ability to choose, and not forced to have what destined for them.

He’s not going to lose that because of some crazy clown with a wicked fantasy.

“I’m happy too... Don’t you want to protect this, from _him_?” Jason pleaded.

“I do want to, but I’m doing it my way, and you’ll do it your way.”

Bruce’s face is solemn, firm, and Jason knows he won't get any more from this hard-headed man. But what Bruce just said, Jason knows it’s a lot more considerate of him than usual.

Jason will be the bigger person on this one. Whatever at least they have an understanding now.

“Oh wow, are you compromising? I heard that only comes once every full moon, I must be very lucky,” Jason jokes, but not really.

Bruce huffed amusedly, “You’ve been hearing too much about me from Tim.”

Jason chuckles, looking at Bruce again, having that content smile on his face, and Jason feels the same.

“I’m really happy for you and Selina,” Jason says, leaning on the bookcase beside Bruce. “Did she know about the soul mark?”

“She doesn’t care. She thinks snagging a man with a soulmate is a power move. She wanted to publicize that--”

“No!”

“Of course not.”

Jason huffed a breath in relieve, then crack a smile, “Boy, you sure know how to pick ‘em. She sounds like a bold one.”

“You have no idea.”

Jason huffed with a smile, Bruce is completely in love with her, just by the look of his usual brick face being all smiley and dreamy.

“Was age the only reason you didn’t choose me?” Jason asked lightly.

“No, but it was one of the reason, you’re the same age as Tim for god sake,” Bruce scoffs.

“Some people don’t mind the extreme age gap, c’mon tell me why,” Jason playfully says.

“I’ve only known you’re my soulmate too when Tim dated you. I had fallen for Selina then, and I can’t look away from her. So, I choose her.”

Jason cracks a smile, feeling a little flushed at seeing Bruce, Batman, confessed that he loves someone. Just something about it makes Jason all giddy. And he’s going to see past how he knows... Jason really doesn’t want to know something he’ll regret asking.

“That’s great man, I’m happy for you if she makes you happy.”

“She does.”

Sighing loudly, Jason stands up from leaning against the bookcase, “Now that we got that out of our system, want to get a cup of tea? Have a toast?”

“A toast for what? And why with tea?” Bruce cocked an eyebrow.

“Because I don’t drink alcohol, and I want a toast to us for giving a middle finger to fate and find our own happiness.”

Bruce huffed and shook his head, “_You_ get tea, I’m pouring myself a bourbon.”

“Whatever floats your boat.”

Thus, Jason has his tea and Bruce with bourbon, both a different taste but the same in color.

“To our choice,” Bruce raises his glass.

“And fuck fate.” Jason raises his teacup.

Bruce choked on air, but chuckled anyway, “fuck fate.”

*clink*

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you thinkk! Kudos if you like it~~
> 
>   
[find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)


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